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  #1  
Old 11-21-2003, 01:20 AM
sfloriII's Avatar
Still pedaling...
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 1,614
Smile Children say the funniest things.....

(The last one is a little "colorful", so consider this your warning!-- Stefano)

Why We Love Children
>
>
>
> 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.
> "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I
> pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You did
> WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy,
"I
> leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."
>
>
>
> 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes
> later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?"
"No, You had your
> chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm
THIRSTY.
> Can I have a drink of water??" I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to
> spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you
> come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?"
>
>
>
> 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally
> asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and
> said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door
> until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'"
>
>
>
> 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her
> son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor
> in his voice, Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and
> gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in
Daddy's
> room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big
> sissy."
>
>
>
> 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's
> sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was
> wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned
over
> and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little
> girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
>
> "Yes, and my Mom says it's a ***** to iron."
>
>
>
> 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came
> into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She
> said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has
a
> baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your
> butt?"
>
>
>
> 7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus
> five, that son of a ***** is seven. Three plus six, that son of a ***** is
> nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you
doing?"
> The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how
> your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered.
> Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching
my son
> in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The
> mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a
*****
> is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught
> them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."
>
>
>
> 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to
> her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to
> warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer
and
> said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked
> the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised
> her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'" The
> teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
>
>
>
> 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr.
> Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm
Jane
> Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you
Mr.
> Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm
> not."
>
>
>
> 10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the
> boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too
rough."
> The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a
> smooth one, can I play with him?"
>
>
>
> 11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to
> the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The
> barber says to her, Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She
> says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too." Now keep that smile on your
> face and pass it on to someone else!!
__________________

Current:
2014 VW Tiguan SEL 4Motion 43,000 miles.

2016 Hyundai Santa Fe Sport (wife's).

Past:
2006 Jetta TDI 135,970 miles. Sold Nov. '13.
1995 E-320 Special Edition. 220,200 miles. Sold Sept. '07.
1987 190-E 16 valve. 153,000 miles. Sold Feb. '06.
1980 300-D 225,000 miles. Donated to the National Kidney Foundation.
1980 240-D manual, 297,500 miles. Totaled by inattentive driver.
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  #2  
Old 11-21-2003, 10:19 AM
G-Benz's Avatar
Razorback Soccer Dad
 
Join Date: Apr 2001
Location: Dallas/Fort-Worth
Posts: 5,711
LOL!!!:p :p :p
__________________
2009 ML350 (106K) - Family vehicle
2001 CLK430 Cabriolet (80K) - Wife's car
2005 BMW 645CI (138K) - My daily driver
2016 Mustang (32K) - Daughter's car
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