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#1
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Children say the funniest things.....
(The last one is a little "colorful", so consider this your warning!-- Stefano)
Why We Love Children > > > > 1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. > "How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. "Because I > pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. You did > WHAT ? ! ?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You know," explained the boy, "I > leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move." > > > > 2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes > later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you bring drink of water?" "No, You had your > chance. Lights out." Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY. > Can I have a drink of water??" I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to > spank you!!" Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you > come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of water?" > > > > 3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally > asked him "How do you expect to get into Heaven?" The boy thought it over and > said, "Well, I'll run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door > until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake, Dylan, come in or stay out!'" > > > > 4. One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her > son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor > in his voice, Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and > gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's > room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big > sissy." > > > > 5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning service, for the children's > sermon. All the children were invited to come forward. One little girl was > wearing a particularly pretty dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned over > and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your Easter Dress?" The little > girl replied, directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone, > > "Yes, and my Mom says it's a ***** to iron." > > > > 6. When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came > into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. She > said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!" I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a > baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she replied, but what's growing in your > butt?" > > > > 7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus > five, that son of a ***** is seven. Three plus six, that son of a ***** is > nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" > The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how > your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. > Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son > in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The > mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a ***** > is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught > them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four." > > > > 8. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to > her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to > warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and > said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked > the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised > her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy ****! A talking chicken!'" The > teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes. > > > > 9. A certain little girl, when asked her name, would reply, "I'm Mr. > Sugarbrown's daughter." Her mother told her this was wrong, she must say, "I'm Jane > Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr. > Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought I was, but mother says I'm > not." > > > > 10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go outside and play with the > boys?" Her mother replied, "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." > The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked, "If I can find a > smooth one, can I play with him?" > > > > 11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands next to > the barber chair, while her dad gets his hair cut, eating a snack cake. The > barber says to her, Sweetheart, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She > says, "Yes, I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too." Now keep that smile on your > face and pass it on to someone else!!
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Current: 2014 VW Tiguan SEL 4Motion 43,000 miles. 2016 Hyundai Santa Fe Sport (wife's). Past: 2006 Jetta TDI 135,970 miles. Sold Nov. '13. 1995 E-320 Special Edition. 220,200 miles. Sold Sept. '07. 1987 190-E 16 valve. 153,000 miles. Sold Feb. '06. 1980 300-D 225,000 miles. Donated to the National Kidney Foundation. 1980 240-D manual, 297,500 miles. Totaled by inattentive driver. |
#2
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LOL!!!:p :p :p
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2009 ML350 (106K) - Family vehicle 2001 CLK430 Cabriolet (80K) - Wife's car 2005 BMW 645CI (138K) - My daily driver 2016 Mustang (32K) - Daughter's car |
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