Lucas Electrics Humor

[Rick Miley]

http://pw1.netcom.com/~krk/lotus/humor/lucasjokes.html

[rickg]

[Rick Miley]

Alternate version of my favorite:

What are the 3 positions of a Lucas light switch?

Flicker, Spark, and Smoke.

[MTI]

It's something near and dear to the hearts of all of us current and former MG owners . . . that and the puddles of Castrol . . My brothers and I, after a long day of dueling with fuel pumps, hidden relays and twin SU carbs, used to wonder how the RAF managed to defeat the Luftwaffe, if the planes were built like the cars . . . we figured that it must have been the British pilots

[rickg]

Seems like my old '67 Ducati motorcycle had Lucas on it. It started when it was good and ready, and not before

[G-Benz]

I remember discussing electronics with the Jag repairman working on my car. He recanted how Lucas couldn't just for instance, wire a headlamp by simply running a circuit from the power source to the headlamp with a switch in between.

He then pointed out the four (yes four!) rheostats imbedded in the circuitry!

I though only MB had the mantra "Why make it simple when you can make it complicated?"

[guydewdney]

Electrical Theory by Joseph Lucas

Positive ground depends upon proper circuit functioning, the transmission of negative ions by retention of the visible spectral manifestation known as "smoke". Smoke is the thing that makes electrical circuits work; we know this to be true because every time one lets the smoke out of the electrical system, it stops working. This can be verified repeatedly through empirical testing. When, for example, the smoke escapes from an electrical component (i.e., say, a Lucas voltage regulator), it will be observed that the component stops working. The function of the wire harness is to carry the smoke from one device to another; when the wire harness "springs a leak", and lets all the smoke out of the system, nothing works afterwards. Starter motors were frowned upon in British Automobiles for some time, largely because they consume large quantities of smoke, requiring very large wires.

It has been noted that Lucas components are possibly more prone to electrical leakage than Bosch or generic Japanese electrics. Experts point out that this is because Lucas is British and all things British leak. British engines leak oil, shock absorbers, hydraulic forks and disk brakes leak fluid, British tyres leak air and the British defense establishment leaks secrets...so, naturally, British electrics leak smoke.

[MikeTangas]

Have y'all been poking around our '64 MGB?

I really think the smoke accumulators under the rear panel have lost all their smoke. I can't get the car to turn over right now. I'm thinking a quick smoke refill will give me plenty of smoke to at least get the smokey generator doing it's thing.

[lietuviai]

Originally posted by 123c
I wonder if Lucas made any of the parts in my 300CD

I'm sure they made my turn signal and interior light switches in my 300D.

computer problems ???

During the three weeks I owned a Jaguar with a Lucas electrical system, I experienced no less than five problems.

-Windows stopped rolling up and down
-Headlight burned out
-Windshield wiper stopped working
-Windshield sprayers stopped working
-Whole left tail light assembly stopped working

[TROVERMAN]

Instead of fuses or circuit breakers, rotting fusible links left me without lights, wipers, audio, and heat very suddenly while driving 55mph on the highway at night during a blizzard. When one goes, they all go!

[rickg]

Audi must have used Lucas surplus parts back in the 80's.

[drbrandini]

Does Lucas still manufacter for Land Rover. We have a company car thats only a year old and has lots of electrical problems. Currently the sunroof and a couple of windows.

Good thing it's not mine.

[TROVERMAN]

Depends on which model you have and the year. The new Range Rover has basically none, mostly Bosch & Hella electrics, as is basically a BMW vehicle, the Discovery may have some still. (Any year, especially the older ones!) The Freelander may have some as well. Later Rovers with lots of computers have troubles, but they can be reset. Lucas has earned a somewhat unfair reputation. Overall, my Rover with almost everything electric in it being Lucas, has been reliable. I think quirky is the word for Lucas...