Really OT: Pet Joke - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

MTI · #1 01-21-2004, 10:28 PM

Knowing how many pet owners there are here, I thought this would give you a laugh.

How Many Dogs Does It Take To Change A Light Bulb?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!

Rottweiler: Make me.

Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Labrador Retriever: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the lightbulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please!

German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, check to make sure I haven't missed any, and make one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation.

Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture.

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb.

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there...

Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little
circle...

Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

The Cat: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?"

MTI · #2 01-21-2004, 10:29 PM

From 190 Rev

How many 190Revolution members does it take to change a light bulb?

15

One to post the question
One member to tell them to do a "Search"
One to ask for a pic of which light bulb is being changed
One to ask if the same light bulb is in the 16 valve.
Two to debate how much HP you get from the aftermarket bulbs
One to write about the history of the light bulb design in the W201's development
Three to post the alternative ways they've changed their light bulbs
One who promises to check the Haynes and CD-Rom for the procedure
One who want to know if there's interest in a bulb "group buy"
One who announces that he's working on a high performance bulb for us
One who wants to know if it's too late to get in on the group buy
One to post the answer

moparmike · #3 01-23-2004, 03:03 AM

Beagle: Who cares if the light in the fridge is burned out? I can still sniff my way to the cheese drawer...

#4 01-23-2004, 06:34 AM

A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for dinner. This is to
be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is
beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli
casserole.

The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other
choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart. It
wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the pouf. Before she even had
a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that
had been snoozing at the woman's feet and said in a rather stern voice,

"Skippy!".
> > >
The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face.
A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again.
This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer
fart rip. The father again looked and the dog and yelled,

"Dammit Skippy!"

Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!". A few minutes later the
woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn't even think about
it.
She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the
father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from
her before she craps on you!"

> > > Send this to someone who needs to laugh

TX76513 · #5 01-23-2004, 10:13 AM

A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons for your wife? He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with a tin of tobacco and some rolling papers; cause it's sooooooooooo much cheaper. So..... I figure if I have to roll my own ............ so does she

mikemover · #6 01-23-2004, 10:23 AM

Basset Hound: "What's a light bulb?.....Can I chew on it?"

Mike

Lebenz · #7 01-23-2004, 10:44 AM

My neighbor found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found the problem was hair in it's ears and cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet told the lady if she wanted to keep this from reoccurring she should go to the store and get some 'Nair" hair remover and rub in it's ears once a month.

The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover. At the register the druggist tells her "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days."

The lady says "I'm not using it under my arms."

The druggist says "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days."

The lady says "I'm not using it on my legs either, and if you must know I'm using it on my schnauzer."

The druggist says "Stay off your bicycle for a week."

Lebenz · #8 01-23-2004, 10:46 AM

A wealthy man decided to go on a safari in Africa.

He took his faithful pet dachshund along for company. One day, the dachshund starts chasing butterflies and before long the dachshund discovers that he is lost.

So, wandering about, he notices a leopard heading rapidly in his
direction with the obvious intention of having lunch. The dachshund thinks, "OK, I'm in deep trouble now!"

Then he noticed some bones on the ground close by, and immediately settles down to chew on the bones with his back to the approaching cat.

Just as the leopard is about to leap, the dachshund exclaims loudly, "Boy, that was one delicious leopard. I wonder if there are any more around here?"

Hearing this, the leopard halts his attack in mid-stride, as a look of
terror comes over him, and slinks away into the trees. "Whew," says the leopard. "That was close. That dachshund nearly had me."

Meanwhile, a monkey who had been watching the whole scene from a nearby tree, figures he can put this knowledge to good use and trade it for protection from the leopard. So, off he goes.

But the dachshund saw him heading after the leopard with great speed and figured that something must be up. The monkey soon catches up with the leopard, spills the beans and strikes a deal for himself with the leopard.

The leopard is furious at being made a fool of and says, "Here monkey, hop on my back and see what's going to happen to that conniving canine."

Now the dachshund sees the leopard coming with the monkey on his back, and thinks, "What am I going to do now?" But instead of running, the dog sits down with his back to his attackers, pretending he hasn't seen them yet... and just when they get close enough to hear, the dachshund says, "Where's that monkey? I sent him off half an hour ago to bring me
another leopard."

Lebenz · #9 01-23-2004, 10:48 AM

HOW TO BATHE A CAT

1. Thoroughly clean toilet.

2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.

3. Find and soothe cat as you carry him to bathroom.

4. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids and stand on
top, so cat cannot escape.

5. The cat will self agitate and produce ample suds. (Ignore ruckus from inside toilet, cat is enjoying this)

6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides power rinse, which is quite effective.

7. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as
possible and quickly lift both lids.

8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where he will air dry.

Sincerely,
The Dog