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#1
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New BMW Owner:
Please no flaming.
:p New BMW Owner: Congratulations on the purchase of your new automobile! We're sure that it will provide you with the utmost in driving pleasure and lifestyle enhancement. However, we must inform you that there are certain minimum requirements that a BMW customer must meet in order to retain ownership of his or her vehicle. Specifically, as a first time owner, you must take and pass the following classes, offered by your local BMW dealer: * ARR 101 -- Arrogance A six week course explaining the details of driving habits, posture, clothing, and other details that all lead to the arrogant appearance and demeanor that all BMW owners must present. $800/person * AGG 101 -- Aggressiveness Six weeks of hands-on experience in tailgating, rapid unsignaled lane changes, speeding, and hard breaking. When you complete this course you'll be able to merge your car into the tiniest available spot on the freeway and cause everyone around you to know a BMW just entered the road, even if they couldn't see you at the time. $1000/person * BUD 101 -- Budgeting To Make Your Car Payment Twelve weeks. $1500/person If this is a second (or later) BMW, then our requirements include: * ARR 102 -- Arrogance Refresher Three weeks of refresher course on arrogance. $650/person * AGG 102 -- Aggressiveness Refresher Three weeks of refresher course on aggressiveness. $850/person * BUD 102 -- Additional Budgeting Skills 12 weeks. This course covers additional budgeting skills including: * How to buy your teenage child his or her first BMW and still make the payment on your own. * The home equity loan -- your friend. * Selling your house to pay for your car -- you can do it. * Paying for your BMW owner training classes -- yes, you have to. $1500/person These classes must be completed successfully during your first 3 months of ownership, or we will be forced to repossess your car. In addition, we offer other classes that you may be interested in taking. These include: * LIF 101 -- Living Where Other BMW Owners Live How to find those neighborhoods where your fellow BMW owners already live. Two weeks. $500/person * MAI 101 -- BMW Maintenance Four weeks. Basic training in how to open your wallet to pay BMW mechanics five times the going hourly rate to fix your car when it breaks. $750/person * MAI 201 -- Advanced BMW Maintenance Eight weeks. Admission to this class requires instructor approval. Hypno-therapy to ease the process of opening the wallet of really tough customers. Please contact your BMW dealer to enroll in your required classes, and in any of the voluntary classes that appeal to you. Once again, we appreciate your business and look forward to taking your money. Happy Driving!
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Happy Benzing Darryl, Hill 2005 SL55 AMG Kleemanized 1984 500 SEC 1967 W113 California Coupe [SIGPIC] https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/myphotos |
#2
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But will I learn how to drive with my fog lights on, on the brightest of days? Apparently, this shows everyone I am a sophisticated driver.
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'90 300SE 298k -300K and it gets put into retirement. '80 300D 255k Purchased new by family in 1980. Had a: 1973 220 (gas) 1980 300SD 1992 400E |
#3
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Quote:
Real story
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Happy Benzing Darryl, Hill 2005 SL55 AMG Kleemanized 1984 500 SEC 1967 W113 California Coupe [SIGPIC] https://picasaweb.google.com/lh/myphotos |
#4
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Question: What's the difference between a BMW and a Porcupine?
Answer: The Porcupine has the pricks on the outside. Former Bimmers: '76 2002 '84 318i '73 R 75/5 Current: '78 R 80/7 |
#5
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just emailed that to a cousin of mine looking to buy a BMW
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past MB rides: '68 220D '68 220D(another one) '67 230 '84 SD Current rides: '06 Lexus RX330 '93 Ford F-250 '96 Corvette '99 Polaris 700 RMK sled 2011 Polaris Assault '86 Yamaha TT350(good 'ol thumper) |
#6
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Quote:
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1995 E320 Sportline Wagon "Bernard" black on black leather http://i.imgur.com/BdZ7jM3.png |
#7
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Yep PaulC can't own a BMW without a large speeding ticket fund.
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1999 SL500 1969 280SE 2023 Ram 1500 2007 Tiara 3200 |
#8
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One of my good friends had a 735IL, I don't think he ever went below 90 on the highway! I loved rideing with him you would not believe the time you can make at 105+. Bridgeport to Milford in 6 1/2 min flat. Guns and Roses "Paridise City" was starting when we got on and ending at exit 40 when we got off.
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1999 SL500 1969 280SE 2023 Ram 1500 2007 Tiara 3200 |
#9
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this is my first bimmer. even the 1999 740i we have now has the same engine growl and shares a lot of the same feels. these are just plain old FUN cars. period.
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1995 E320 Sportline Wagon "Bernard" black on black leather http://i.imgur.com/BdZ7jM3.png |
#10
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all I have is this
(keep in mind the gauges are my spares out of an e not my i) They are no different from Mercedes they seems to settle in at high speeds and do so with ease. The only things I like more about the BMW is the 5 Speed and driver geared cockpit. But I did like your post hill |
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