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  #1  
Old 05-27-2004, 09:01 PM
Joseph Bauers
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Why did the chicken cross the road?

Variations of this are apparently around on the net. A friend and I have added a few. Feel free to suggest new ones.

Why Did The Chicken Cross the Road?

JOHN ASHCROFT. Thanks to the Patriot Act, we have had that particular chicken under surveillance, and once we determined that he had, in fact, crossed the road, we seized his computer and analyzed its hard drive. While to date we have been able to recover only a series of emails to other chickens, indicating his intention to cross the road "to get to the other side," we are not buying it. As soon as he awakens from his nap, I intend to ask the President to declare the chicken an Enemy Combatant and have it sent, promptly, to our base in Cuba for further interrogation.

ELIZABETH TAYLOR. To marry me?

JOHN KERRY. Yes, I have heard reports of the chicken crossing the road, but my understanding is that, as of yet, those reports are unconfirmed. I will say, though, that if those reports are true, I have no problem with this chicken--or any law-abiding chicken, for that matter--crossing this or any other road. I may very well have a problem, however, with HOW he crossed that road. Check my website for my coming white paper on this subject.

RICHARD CHENEY. The chicken crossed the road because he is, obviously, an Al Quaeda operative. We have intelligence of a meeting between that particular chicken and an emissary of Osama bin Laden's in Paris last year. I would recommend a full and overwhelming response. Clearly, the coop from which this chicken made his ill-fated journey is nothing more than a training ground for terrorists.

HANS BLIX. To find the weapons of mass destruction.

MICHAEL JACKSON. To find a younger, warmer, cuter chicken to cuddle with. And anyone who thinks that is wrong is just sick!

GEORGE W BUSH
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either against us or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the other side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrial greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

PAT BUCHANAN
The chicken crossed the road to steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

RUSH LIMBAUGH
I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet that somebody out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars. And when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build a road for chickens to cross.

MARTHA STEWART
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No chicken gave me any insider information.

JERRY FALWELL
Because the chicken was gay --- isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the 'other side'. That's what they call it, 'the other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."

DR SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die in the rain. Alone.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

ELDERLY CURMUDGEON
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historic inevitability.

RONALD REAGAN
What chicken?

SIGMUND FREUD
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES
I have just witnessed eChicken2004, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook, - and internet explorer is an integral part of eChicken.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE
I invented the chicken!

THE BIBLE
And God came down from heaven, and he said unto the chicken THOU SHALT CROSS THE ROAD. And the chicken didst cross the road, and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS
Did I miss one?

JEAN PAUL SARTRE
Hell is other chickens.

MICHAEL MOORE
In 1986, President Reagan sent a secret message to the chicken telling it that the Saudis had 300 American-made MK-84 2,000-pound bombs available on the other side of the road, which the chicken could use against Iran. This message was delivered to the chicken by Vice President George Herbert Walker Bush.

AL FRANKEN
The chicken crossed the road to protest because he heard that Clear Channel was boycotting the Dixie Chicks and sponsoring pro-war rallies.

CONDOLEEZA RICE
I can tell from your tone in asking the question that you somehow think that the chicken crossing the road was preventable. Let me remind you that we had no prior notice of which chicken intended to cross what road, and at what time. Had we known these things, we would have moved heaven and earth to prevent it.

GEORGE BUSH
Oh, I forgot--add this to my response: Had we known where and when that chicken intended to cross the road, we would have moved heaven and earth to prevent it!

OLIVER STONE
Was there a grassy knoll on the other side? There's your answer.
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  #2  
Old 05-27-2004, 09:10 PM
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HAHAHAHAH.. that was hilarious. My favorite is the John Ashcroft one.
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Old 05-27-2004, 10:45 PM
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Howdy All,
W.C.Fields- Ah yes my little chick-a-dee!
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Old 05-27-2004, 10:47 PM
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"BILL CLINTON
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?"

I knew that chicken, but I did not push that chicken across that road. What is your definition of push?
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Old 05-28-2004, 03:19 AM
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The chicken crossed the road after excaping from Tyson farms on foot as he could not fly.As we all know Tyson chickens have been breed to have no feathers which speeds up the bucthering process......

William Rogers.......
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Old 05-28-2004, 10:22 AM
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that's definately "e-mail to all your friends" material
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Old 05-28-2004, 10:44 AM
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The chicken probably crossed the road because his Saab broke down and it was easier to hitch a ride from traffic going the other direction.
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Old 05-28-2004, 11:47 AM
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My chickens (RIR's) crossed the road until one of them was killed by a car. Now they don't even go near it!
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