Here to lighten everyone's mood (even at my profession's own expense). BTW this stuff is real, I've been in depositions and in trials where even dumber questions were asked. (Not by me, of course )

ACTUAL DISORDER IN THE COURT - QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Some of these are excellent - don't miss the last one.


> Q: Are you sexually active?
> A: No, I just lie there
>
>
>
> Q: What is your date of birth?
> A: July 15th.
> Q: What year?
> A: Every year.
>
> Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the
> impact?
> A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
>
>
>
> Q: This 'myasthenia gravis', does it affect your
> memory at all?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
> A: I forget.
> Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of
> something that you've forgotten?
> Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
> A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember
> which.
> Q: How long has he lived with you?
> A: Forty-five years.
>
>
>
> Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you
> when he woke up that morning?
> A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> Q: And why did that upset you?
> A: My name is Susan.
>
>
>
> Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been
> involved in voodoo or the occult?
> A: We both do.
> Q: Voodoo?
> A: We do.
> Q: You do?
> A: Yes, voodoo.
>
>
>
> Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies
> in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
>
>
>
> Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
> he?
>
>
>
> Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
>
>
>
> Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
> August 8th?
> A: Yes.
> Q: And what were you doing at that time?
>
>
>
> Q: She had three children, right?
> A: Yes.
> Q: How many were boys?
> A: None.
> Q: Were there any girls?
>
>
>
> Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
> A: By death.
> Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
>
>
>
> Q: Can you describe the individual?
> A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> Q: Was this a male, or a female?
>
>
>
> Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
> a deposition
> notice, which I sent to your attorney?
> A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
>
>
> Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on
> dead people?
> A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
>
>
>
> Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school
> did you go to?
> A: Oral.
>
>
>
> Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the
> body?
> A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
> A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I
> was doing an autopsy.
>
>
>
> Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
>
>
>
> Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
> check for a pulse?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
> A: No.
> Q: Did you check for breathing?
> A: No.
> Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was
> alive when you began the autopsy?
> A: No.
> Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
> jar.
> Q: But could the patient have still been alive,
> nevertheless?
> A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
> and practicing law somewhere.

__________________
Current Benzes

1989 300TE "Alice"
1990 300CE "Sam Spade"
1991 300CE "Beowulf" RIP (06.1991 - 10.10.2007)
1998 E320 "Orson"
2002 C320 Wagon "Molly Fox"

Res non semper sunt quae esse videntur

My Gallery

Not in this weather!

That'll be $500 please

__________________
past MB rides:
'68 220D
'68 220D(another one)
'67 230
'84 SD
Current rides:
'06 Lexus RX330
'93 Ford F-250
'96 Corvette
'99 Polaris 700 RMK sled
2011 Polaris Assault
'86 Yamaha TT350(good 'ol thumper)

BENZ-LGB,

I've been looking all over the place for that one. It's a real classic, thanks!

__________________
joE
1993 300e-2.8 - gone now <sigh>
"Do not adjust your mind, it's reality that's malfunctioning"
http://banners.wunderground.com/bann...L/Key_West.gif

Happy to oblige. My profession tends to take itself too seriously. I am glad that Bush is an MBA and not a JD

__________________
Current Benzes

1989 300TE "Alice"
1990 300CE "Sam Spade"
1991 300CE "Beowulf" RIP (06.1991 - 10.10.2007)
1998 E320 "Orson"
2002 C320 Wagon "Molly Fox"

Res non semper sunt quae esse videntur

My Gallery

Not in this weather!

Hilarious.

Made for a good laugh. gotta show my dad this one.

Alon

__________________
'92 300CE - Sold
2004 C240 - 744 - C7 Wheels - Android Radio
2002 C320 - 816 - Sport Wagon

That's great! My girlfriend's in Law school, she'll love it.

thanks!

__________________
1988 420SEL 170K

Howdy BENZ-LGB,
I met a pretty cool lawyer once. He was the lawyer for the company I work for. He was giving a speech to a number of workers. He started out with a couple lawyer jokes and if anyone had a joke would they tell it to him afterward. Well dug one up that he said never heard and almost hurt himself laughing. Here it is. What is the differece between a dead lawyer in the road and a dead skunk in the road?¿ The skid marks in front of the skunk

__________________
Frank X. Morris
17 Kia Niro
08 Jeep Wrangler 4 door unlimited

Thanks! I will have to share this with all of my lawyer friends!