OK, I turned the trans modulator 2 stops anticlockwise, drove around for half an hour stopping and starting off and NO FLARING!!!!!!!

The trans now shifts noticably but not harsh or with a clunk.

Maybe I should have only gone 1 stop? Maybe this is what the shift is like for others? It's not seamless but comfortable.

Thanks everyone.

Their is no right way for the trans to shift, whatever the driver prefers is the right answer.

However a little firmer shift will wear the clutch packs slower.