Bizarre collection of electrical glitches - happened during reassembly. Any thoughts?
 

I've just gotten my W124 back from paint. I had disassembled the car myself, bringing the shop the bumpers, cladding, etc., all detached. I kept things like the door cards, antenna, lights, and anything else that didn't need paint, at home.

I have the car nearly back together, and it looks great. I've been starting it periodically to keep the battery charged. Yesterday, I discovered that it won't start anymore, and discovered an odd combination of other electrical faults, seemingly all at once.

Things that don't work:
- Won't start
- Central locking
- Trunk light
- Rear seat dome light
- All four puddle lights
- Convenience feature where you close all windows plus the sunroof via the key from outside the car

Things that do work.
- Warning lights in gauge cluster
- Radio, including power antenna
- Fuel pump engages
- Front dome/reading lamp
- Power windows
- With ignition on, the blower motor comes on, the recirc button works
- Headlights, brake lights, and blinkers
- Power seats, including memory
- Ignition interlock for gear selector works - I can select neutral if my foot is on the brake and the key is set to the "run" position

My hunch is something to do with the alarm system, which is just the factory one, nothing aftermarket. There are those connectors in the doors, which connect the lock cylinders to the rest of the wiring. One of those got crunched in the door jamb. But the wiring all seems to be fine, and the connectors themselves are intact - it's only the little case that broke.

Other ideas are welcome and appreciated. All of these problems, as far as I know, began at the exact same point in time.

--Karl, anxiously awaiting finishing reassembly and going for a nice, long, relaxing drive...

We'll assume that you've checked all the fuses, paying particular attention to those associated with the vacuum driven locks. Crunching a wire could have blown a fuse. On some cars ( I don't know about yours in particular ) the alarm will reset if the battery is disconnected for a short time. If you are competent with a VOM, check for voltage on both sides of fuses. Check for voltage at starter.

Does it crank and not start or won't even crank?

How old is the battery? If it's over 5 years old it may not hold a charge.

I would get the factory electrical diagrams, then just start troubleshooting one thing at a time using a multimeter.