The new paranoia
 

I had the unenviable experience this Thanksgiving of having my stepmother threaten to call the FBI due to my activities. I'm left very frightened, and wondering whether her paranoia is, in fact, more common than I would have guessed. So, I'd like to recount the story, and see if anyone out there thinks she is at all justified.

The conversation arose in a car on the way back from Thanksgiving dinner, when my dad asked how my flight students are doing, how many I have, and the like. I told him I had three going at the moment, one doing solo cross-country work and two who were pre-solo. The two, I mentioned, were friends, and had started their training at the same time. Because earlier in the night we had been discussing airline security measures put into place by the TSA, and I thought my dad and stepmother might be interested in some of the additional measures flight instructors are being told to take by the TSA, I mentioned those two students were foreign, here on work visas.

My stepmother, a conservative Republican, immediately and stridently interjected: "They're foreign?" Yes, I replied. "Have you called the FBI?" she asked.

"Why on earth would I do that?" I asked. "I don't call the FBI on people, and they're doing nothing suspicious."

She harrumphed in disbelief. "What do you mean why would you do that? They coud be terrorists!"

"They're not even from the middle east," I said. "They're from Central America. The worst they could do is run some drugs." (Apparently this wasn't the best-timed joke :o )

"How do you know they're from there? Because they told you so?" she continued.

"Well, their last names, their accents, it's pretty-"

"Well, if you aren't calling the FBI, I am!" she said with this note of combined scorn and incredulity that, frankly, pisses me off more than anything else she could do.

I'm speechless for a moment. Then, all that came to my mind came to my mouth: "This is what I get for opening my mouth." I sat, sullen, feeling like a teenager, and so angry I was shaking.

A few minutes later, my father, in what I guess was an attempt to lighten the tension, asked another question: "Well, are they doing well?"

I envision my stepmother taking mental notes of what I say for the benefit of the FBI, and, you know, I'm still pissed off. "I will not discuss my flight students, not up for discussion."

So, is this now Nazi Germany, where we turn in our family members for suspicion, for nothing? I don't understand how a close family member could threaten to bring the FBI down on me without even a hint of wrongdoing, and I'm considering whether to even have further contact with her. Is she justified in thinking these students are a threat? Am I justified in being this angry? What does all this mean?

I think you're entirely justified in feeling hurt and angry. It was disrespectful and insulting that this woman wasn't willing to defer to your better judgment. Have you ever given her reason to suspect that you're a complete imbecile? Somehow, I kinda doubt it. If she wants to call the FBI, let her make a complete ass of herself. If I were you, I wouldn't hesitate to let her know that I was deeply insulted by her little diatribe, and that it may well have an impact of the level of future communication with her.

Was ist los? Welcome to 1984, where familial ties are actually an impediment to internal State security.

The problem lies with her, not you. She's clearly overdosed on the fear and loathing that's been spoon-fed to Americans over the last 3 years. These are trying times for thinkers...

I haven't given anyone any reason to think I'm an imbecile since I was maybe an early teen. I've been self-supporting since college, never in any legal or financial trouble whatsoever, and have never asked them for a cent or a favor. She does treat me as though I am one, though, particularly regarding treatment of my son. She makes all these little comments checking up ("Has he washed his hands?", "Did you remember to bring gloves for him?") that I try not to take 'the wrong way' -- I try to assume she's just conscientious and a little overbearing maybe, but often feel she thinks I couldn't find my own ass with both hands and a flashlight. It's just a 'thing' she does, and I think this is just an extreme example. It's this constant scorn and lack of respect, I hear it in the way she speaks to me, but am uncertain how much of it is there, and how much of it comes from my (mis?)interpretation of her intentions.

I am having a really hard time letting a proposed call to the FBI roll off my back, and am considering whether to decrease or cut off contact with her. ('No more roadtrips together' is already a foregone conclusion.) But distancing yourself from family isn't a step to be taken lightly.

can you feel your dad out or any other witnesses to this conversetion?

I have had to call the FBI a couple times, once over mysterious bank transactions and once over an Internet hack. They are just people and maybe a little more reasonable than most. They are also used to crank calls and handle them professionally.

That evil stepmother stereotype didn't just fall out of the sky, it was earned worldwide over the ages. Sharing an address and a name doesn't make a family.

Feel sorry for her pathetic attempts to control your contact with her man.

:bulb: The way I see it, there is only one imbecile
and that is her. :bulb:

This day and age some people jump to conclusions
to quickly,making a judging with out knowing
the full details. :idea2: :lipsrseal

They should use their brain instead of their mouth. :D :lipsrseal :gossip:

Louis. :smartass: :smartass2

Don't worry about the FBI. Comply with all FAA and TSA rules and drop it. Or go ahead and give her the number to the local FBI office and let her call. As long as your in compliance, don't worry. They will see the last names and tell a couple of in office jokes. I'm sure their used to this. My dad was an FBI agent and I'm briefed all the time by the TSA secure site due to the job. Two central americans are probably not a problem.

Go a ahead, egg her on.

Dave

Your right the road trips are over. And it sounds like she does quite a bit of butting in. It is really up to your husband to deal with his mother on this matter. Or you will just look like the *****. Talk to your husband. And let him know how important this is to you. He then needs to support you in this matter.

webwench,

It is very disturbing when you have an experience like that. Only you can know if she is serious or, like TwitchKitty noted, if she is just throwing out speedbumps to limit your access to your father. Nothing worse for her paranoia than her man's daughter by another woman.....

But this is how it starts. You are wise to be aware of the threatening feeling this incident caused and we should all be grateful for your willingness to speak about it. We should all be as vigilant and outspoken. Thanks, Jim

Dave, even in Texas I think a stepmother is the wife of your father who is not your birth mother. Or you know webwench better than we do. Jim

Webwench, I hope you will excuse me if this is over the line, but from your description, your stepmother is a *****. You may want to discuss her behavior around you with your father, in private.


My $.02,
Mike

That's right, Twitch. She's just trying a mindgame. I'll bet she takes these shots often, huh?

Trust me in this, if they're "foreign" pilot students, the FBI already knows EVERYTHING about them. There is not a school in the country who doesn't share this data now with every alphabet agency you can think of.

Too bad you didn't tell your stepmom this in the car, then act like "what, are you stupid? Didn't you know this??" Learn her tactics and always turn the tables on her so she feels like a moron everytime she speaks. Pretty much shuts 'em up. Situation in hand. No more problems with dear old stepmom.

BTW, a terrorist doesn't have to be from the ME. In fact many now are being recruited FROM south america (where Islam is growing as it is everywhere) and are making it accross our borders, so it could be a reasonable assumption. But it's none of her friggin' business and you were just making small talk and if she wants to start an arguement over every word spoken, you'll be on your way.

I agree, she's a *****, but I doubt I'd be telling dad anything he didn't already know if I informed him she can be offensive. My plan at this point is limiting contact with her as much as possible.

She's never done anything quite like this before, but I think she's an emotional bully. She gets huffy and indignant over all kinds of things, and as a result people walk on eggshells around her. In addition they're financially well-off and while they don't flaunt it in a tasteless way, they do make it obvious, and I think the perception of success means they have become used to being treated with a certain deference. I'm not sure that most of what I get from stepmom is malicious, I think it's mostly symptomatic of her disliking me and not being very good at hiding it... but the FBI thing was just plain malicious.

Your tactics are sound. For me, it's always one of these things where I can come up with better responses ten minutes later than I ever can on the spot... I wish I was better at that. I need assertiveness training!

While I agree with your post, I will point out that not all flight schools share a bunch of data with every government agency. Many people instruct independently and have no formal data-sharing arrangements with any governmental authority beyond the data-sharing requ9ired by the FAA, TSA, and I suppose NTSB and NASA.

The TSA has put out certain rules that require flight instructors to verify that the student is here legally by examining their documents, get the student fingerprinted and background-checked, and the like (all of this dmorrison is well versed in I'm certain), although interestingly it was a while after these rules were put into effect before the TSA chose to communicate them to any extent to the FAA or the flight instructor community -- but that is neither here nor there, as is the concern that I simply do not have the expertise to act as an immigration officer, which, um, also is neither here nor there. I am complying with all regulations that affect me or my students, at any rate, and I wouldn't be worried at all about demonstrating as much to any authority who felt the need to verify as much... but I also know that some of the due-process stuff that protect us all have been weakened and suspended, and that does sit in the back of my mind, as unlikely a scenario as any of this is.

Another canary dies in the mine. This is the world we are entering. You can justify all kinds of fascist behavior on a vague threat of terrorism - this is the lesson learned from the Reichstag fire. After a Jew assasinated a German diplomat, followed by the burning of the Riechstag, blamed on Jews but probably the work of the Nazis, the German people voted away their civil rights in a fit of paranoia and ushered in the Nazi nightmare. Hilter received mass adulation from cheering crowds as he stripped these same people of their civil rights. Then they gladly informed on their neighbors and their parents, exposing Jews, Social Democrats, Communists, homesexuals and any one else who said anything negative about the regime to the Gestapo. Look what is going on around you. The rhetoric from the right becomes increasingly more fascistic. Our government has been coverted into a One Party State , complete with a Ministry of Propaganda via Fox News and the rest of the gang- and they have created this entire world of paranoia out of 9-11. The Cable-AM-Internet Propaganda Machine and the official government bombard people like your stepmother with a constant "we are under attack!" message, 24/7, and the sheep like dolts can be talked into anything. Meanwhile we have a national rightwing chorus line that would find a way to justify ax murder if the Republicans advocted it, and they are increasingly surppressing dissent. The saddest thing about this is that she thinks this is pefectly acceptable behavior. I am starting to think Ossama has not been captured because our government want him running around loose, so they can keep everyone's stepmother on the lookout for "undesirables".