The comedy and GENIUS of George Carlin! :)

[mikemover]

YES, I'M A BAD AMERICAN
by George Carlin


I Am Your Worst Nightmare. I am a BAD American. I am George Carlin.

I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican!

I'm in touch with my feelings and I like it that way, damn it!

I think owning a gun doesn't make you a killer, it makes you a smart American.

I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything.

I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English.

I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July.

I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus, of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened.

I believe everyone has a right to pray to his or her God when and where they want to.

My heroes are John Wayne, Babe Ruth, Roy Rogers, and whoever canceled Jerry Springer.

I don't hate the rich. I don't pity the poor.

I know wrestling is fake and I don't waste my time arguing about it.

I think global warming is a big lie. Where are all those experts now, when I'm freezing my ass off during these long winters and paying,, paying?

I've never owned a slave, or was a slave, I didn't wander forty years In the desert after getting chased out of Egypt. I haven't burned any witches or been persecuted by the Turks and neither have you! So, shut-the-Hell-up already.

I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one?

I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them.

I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are.

I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years.

I dislike those people standing in the intersections trying to sell me crap or trying to guilt me into making "donations" to their cause. These people should be targets.

I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents.

And what the hell is going on with gas prices and the snotty French ... yet again?

If this makes me a BAD American, then yes, I'm a BAD American.

If you are a BAD American too, please forward this to everyone you know.

We need our country back!

[rickg]

And Dennis Miller:
TRYING TO HELP - by DENNIS MILLER

ALL THE RHETORIC ON WHETHER OR NOT WE SHOULD GO TO WAR AGAINST IRAQ HAS GOT
MY INSANE LITTLE BRAIN SPINNING LIKE A ROULETTE WHEEL. I ENJOY READING
OPINIONS FROM BOTH SIDES BUT I HAVE DETECTED A HINT OF CONFUSION FROM SOME
OF YOU.

AS I WAS READING THE PAPER RECENTLY, I WAS REMINDED OF THE BEST ADVICE
SOMEONE EVER GAVE ME. HE TOLD ME ABOUT THE KISS METHOD (KEEP IT SIMPLE,
STUPID!) SO, WITH THIS AS A THEME, I'D LIKE TO APPLY THIS THEORY FOR THOSE
WHO DON'T QUITE GET IT. MY HOPE IS THAT WE CAN SIMPLIFY THINGS A BIT AND
RECOGNIZE A FEW IMPORTANT FACTS.

HERE ARE 10 THINGS TO CONSIDER WHEN VOICING AN OPINION ON THIS IMPORTANT
ISSUE:

1) BETWEEN PRESIDENT BUSH AND SADDAM HUSSEIN ... HUSSEIN IS THE BAD GUY.

2) IF YOU HAVE FAITH IN THE UNITED NATIONS TO DO THE RIGHT THING KEEP THIS
IN MIND, THEY HAVE LIBYA HEADING THE COMMITTEE ON HUMAN RIGHTS AND IRAQ
HEADING THE GLOBAL DISARMAMENT COMMITTEE. DO YOUR OWN MATH HERE.

3) IF YOU USE GOOGLE SEARCH AND TYPE IN "FRENCH MILITARY VICTORIES," YOUR
REPLY WILL BE "DID YOU MEAN FRENCH MILITARY DEFEATS?"

4) IF YOUR ONLY ANTI-WAR SLOGAN IS "NO WAR FOR OIL," SUE YOUR SCHOOL
DISTRICT FOR ALLOWING YOU TO SLIP THROUGH THE CRACKS AND ROBBING YOU OF THE
EDUCATION YOU DESERVE.

5) SADDAM AND BIN LADEN WILL NOT SEEK UNITED NATIONS APPROVAL BEFORE THEY
TRY TO KILL US.

6) DESPITE COMMON BELIEF, MARTIN SHEEN IS NOT THE PRESIDENT. HE PLAYS ONE ON
T.V.

7) EVEN IF YOU ARE ANTI-WAR, YOU ARE STILL AN "INFIDEL!" AND BIN LADEN WANTS
YOU DEAD, TOO.

8) IF YOU BELIEVE IN A "VAST RIGHT-WING CONSPIRACY" BUT NOT IN THE DANGER
THAT HUSSEIN POSES, QUIT HANGING OUT WITH THE DELL COMPUTER DUDE.

9) WE ARE NOT TRYING TO LIBERATE THEM.

10) WHETHER YOU ARE FOR MILITARY ACTION OR AGAINST IT, OUR YOUNG MEN AND
WOMEN OVERSEAS ARE FIGHTING FOR US TO DEFEND OUR RIGHT TO SPEAK OUT. WE ALL
NEED TO SUPPORT THEM WITHOUT RESERVATION.

I HOPE THIS HELPS.

[BENZ-LGB]

A big AMEN BROTHER to George Carlin.

I agree with everything that was posted above...


"I believe the money I make belongs to me and my family, not some mid level governmental functionary be it Democratic or Republican! "

Go to www.boortz.com and read what the Democrats are planning to do to separate you from your money. If you are a homeowner, you should be worried about the notion of "inputed" income being floated by the Dems.

"I think being a minority does not make you noble or victimized, and does not entitle you to anything."

As a member of a minority I say AMEN to the above.

"I believe that if you are selling me a Big Mac, try to do it in English. "

Ditto here. That's why I go to In-n-Out burgers, they speak English there.

"I think fireworks should be legal on the 4th of July. "

I disagree here to a point. Fireworks scare the crap out of my dogs. I have to medicate them to calm them during the 4th of July.

"I think that being a student doesn't give you any more enlightenment than working at Blockbuster. In fact, if your parents are footing the bill to put your pansy ass through 4 years plus, of college, you haven't begun to be enlightened. "

Is DieselHead reading this???

"I want to know which church is it exactly where the Reverend Jesse Jackson practices, where he gets his money, and why he is always part of the problem and not the solution. Can I get an AMEN on that one? "

AMEN-AMEN-AMEN

"I think the cops have every right to shoot your sorry ass if you're running from them. "

AMEN again

"I also think they have the right to pull your ass over if you're breaking the law, regardless of what color you are. "

Ditto.

"I think if you are too stupid to know how a ballot works, I don't want you deciding who should be running the most powerful nation in the world for the next four years. "

DUH !!!

"I believe that it doesn't take a village to raise a child, it takes two parents. "

What gives Hillary the right to tell us how to raise children. How would she know?

"And what the hell is going on with gas prices and the snotty French ... yet again? "

Did he say "snooty" french?

"We need our country back!"

YEAH!

[MTI]

Yes, to George Carlin's Insights!:

Let’s not forget George Bush’s obligation to protect the oil interests of his family and friends. There was another, more important, consideration at work. Here’s what really happened.

The simple fact was that America was long overdue to drop high
explosives on helpless civilians; people who have no argument with us at all. After all, it had been awhile, and the hunger gnaws. That’s our specialty: picking on countries that have marginally effective air forces.

One reason that we’re good at war is that we practice a lot. We’re a 200-year-old democracy, and we’ve had ten major wars. That’s a war every twenty years. We’re good at it, because we practice. We can’t make a TV anymore, can’t make a cellphone, can’t make a VCR, we got no steel industry, no textile industry, we can’t educate our young people, can’t fix our old people and their problems with health, but we can bomb the ***** out of your country.

Especially if your country is full of brown people. We like that.
That’s our hobby. That’s our new job in the world, bombing brown
people. Iraq, Panama, Grenada, Libya. You got some brown people in your country? Tell them to watch the f*ck out!

Who were the last white people that you can remember that we bombed? The Germans. That’s it. They’re the only ones, because they were trying to cut in on our action! They wanted to dominate the world. F*ck you, that’s our job!

[mikemover]

Having a bad day, MTI?

How 'bout putting down the empty extra-large coffee thermos, and posting something relevant?

Surely, surely by now you have realized how pathetically, impossibly ignorant the "no war for oil" protesters are. I guess not. Even if it WAS about oil (which it's so obviously not), then so what? Our economy IS oil. Without it, EVERYTHING here grinds to a halt. Have you thought about how you're going to get from Hawaii to LA to NYC without oil? Are you going to ride a bike? I guess not. You haven't figured out yet that everyone's tired of people playing the "racism card" on every single issue? I guess not. You haven't figured out that OUR country is full of what you call "brown people" too, and you don't see us bombing our own? I guess not. Has it occurred to you that our president and our military MIGHT, just MIGHT be over there defending YOUR A$$, so that you can continue to sit here and post meaningless $h!t? I guess not. Has it occurred to you that in most of the "brown countries" you're talking about, a rant like the one you just typed would get you imprisoned (at best) or shot? I guess not. Do you have a clue? I guess not.

Mike

[MTI]

I think the American flag that you've wrapped around yourselves is getting a little tight and cutting off some circulation. George Carlin has more than one point of view, and so do I.

[mikemover]

Originally posted by MTI
I think the American flag that you've wrapped around yourselves is getting a little tight and cutting off some circulation. George Carlin has more than one point of view, and so do I.

Again, there's the problem of relevance.

Mike

[MTI]

Originally posted by TANK
Maybe we should give Hawaii to France and bomb them both!

Come and get us mon ami, you know where we are. Just aim for the big white memorial in the harbor.

[MTI]

Originally posted by mikemover
Again, there's the problem of relevance.

Mike

I forgot this was the Open Discussion part of the Shop Forum and only one point of view was allowed.

[BENZ-LGB]

...what's the matter bro? Got your panties in a wad?

[PC Dave]

Originally posted by MTI
... Just aim for the big white memorial in the harbor.

Would that be the memorial commemorating yet another vicious unprovoked attack by horrible America on the defenseless brown people of the world? Or perhaps I've got my facts wrong.

[mikemover]

Originally posted by MTI
I forgot this was the Open Discussion part of the Shop Forum and only one point of view was allowed.

Back up your point of view with facts and relevant information, and I'll listen all day.

Post meaningless, incorrect, unfounded, emotional, purely "anti- just for the sake of being anti-" ramblings, and I've got no interest.

Mike

[mikemover]

Originally posted by PC Dave
Would that be the memorial commemorating yet another vicious unprovoked attack by horrible America on the defenseless brown people of the world? Or perhaps I've got my facts wrong.

Yeah, that had to have been our fault too...We asked for it, right? It must have been about the oil.

[MTI]

Mike, you're the one that started the George Carlin thread and I added more Carlin material (you do realize it's from George, right?). If there's something irrelevant, perhaps I missed your point in starting this thread.

[MTI]

Spock, my spelling skills are quite reasonable, so your comment is somewhat illogical. May you live long and prosper.