Although it is way down on my list of intruder deterrents, I am not above throwing a cat at anyone in my house uninvited. How's that for less than worthless.

How about something Japanese.........


A littly Kitty Tempura.......


Kitty sushi....

Teriaki Kitty.......

Not a whole lot of CHipmunks.....BUt I have squirls that are driving me nuts.........getting tired of hosing squiirel poop off my cars....

Have you tried being nicer to them. Maybe they know you want to kill them and make squirrel con queso.

I'd crap on your car too if I knew you wanted to kill me. Wait, no I wouldn't.

Noisy buggers those things are...........

I am shocked, shocked and appalled.....oh, I did manage to get up to 641 ft.

Cool.....I sent that one to my boss...

Cat Bathing As A Martial Art

A: Know that although the cat has the advantage of quickness and lack of concern for human life, you have the advantage of strength.

Capitalize on that advantage by selecting the battlefield. Don't try to bathe him in an open area where he can force you to chase him. Pick a very small bathroom.

If your bathroom is more than four feet square, I recommend that you get in the tub with the cat and close the sliding -glass doors as if you were about to take a shower. (A simple shower curtain will not do. A berserk cat can shred a three-ply rubber shower curtain quicker than a politician can shift positions.)

B. Know that a cat has claws and will not hesitate to remove all the skin from your body. Your advantage here is that you are smart and know how to dress to protect yourself.

I recommend canvas overalls tucked into high-top construction boots, a pair of steel-mesh gloves, an army helmet, a hockey face-mask, and a long-sleeved flak jacket.

C. Use the element of surprise. Pick up your cat nonchalantly, as if to simply carry him to his supper dish. (Cats will not usually notice your strange attire. They have little or no interest in fashion as a rule.)

D. Once you are inside the bathroom, speed is essential to survival. In a single liquid motion, shut the bathroom door, step into the tub enclosure, slide the glass door shut, dip the cat in the water and squirt him with shampoo.

You have now begun one of the longest and wildest 45 seconds of your life.

E. Cats have no handles. Add the fact that he now has soapy fur, and the problem is radically compounded.

Do not expect to hold on to him for more than two or three seconds at a time. When you have him, however, you must remember to give him another squirt of shampoo and rub like crazy.

He'll then spring free and fall back into the water, thereby rinsing himself off. (The national record for cats is three latherings, so don't expect too much.)

F. Next, the cat must be dried. Novice cat bathers always assume this part will be the most difficult, for humans generally are worn out at this point and the cat is just getting really determined.

In fact, the drying is simple compared with what you have just been through.

That's because by now the cat is semi-permanently affixed to your right leg.

You simply pop the drain plug with your foot, reach for your towel and wait. (Occasionally, however, the cat will end up clinging to the top of your army helmet. If this happens, the best thing you can do is to shake him loose and to encourage him toward your leg.) After all the water is drained from the tub, it is a simple matter to just reach down and dry the cat.

In a few days the cat will relax enough to be removed from your leg. He will usually have nothing to say for about three weeks and will spend a lot of time sitting with his back to you.

He might even become psychoceramic and develop the fixed stare of a plaster figurine.

You will be tempted to assume he is angry.

This isn't usually the case.
As a rule he is simply plotting ways to get through your defenses and injure you for life the next time you decide to give him a bath.
But at least now he smells a lot better

How about Mongolian Cat Stir Fry with water chestnuts and boc-choy?

Jeez I've seen it all, a bait thread morphed into a culinary thread.

I remember a show about Chinese culture and saw a group of college age kids viewing the little pussys before they ate it. Once they found the one they desired the chef took the hair off....warmed em up and down the hatch they went. Since cat's eat so much fish I bet they have a fishy taste.

http://www.messybeast.com/eat-cats.htm

It explains how to prepare cat for consumption which is boiling them alive, sorry but that's pretty darn morbid IMO.

I think the boiling alive thing only works for crustacians..........like good beef, cat needs to age a little before cooking.

But don't shoot if it has a bootlegged CD in it's mouth. That ain't stealin'.

Seems rather risky to own a pet. Someone else was taking care of the guy's dog and he goes to jail over a lousy cat??? :confused: Lame. How can that be a criminal matter? You should be able to get a cat like that at the pound for $5 not $30,000 dollars. The judge should be ashamed of itself. I can see if the dog was known to be viscious and it attacked a human but this is absurd. I would never want to live in a place like that. As far as I know the value of something is not set by how much an individual arbitrarily values it. $15000 worth of emotional duress over a cat seems reasonable for some people but that doesn't mean that every time someone gets worked up over something it should be worth money. I could see a couple hundred bucks depending on how egregious the owner's negligence was but geez. :rolleyes2

This is a hoax right?

Cats possess the lousy traits of many people. They kill for the fun of it; they are sneaky; they don't come around unless they want something from you. Where I live our leash laws include cats.