What have you learned from your parents? - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

Plantman · #1 11-11-2005, 06:59 PM

Besides the lessons that they have tried to teach you.

I find myself looking back on my life lately, especially now that my father is living with me and I can't help but look at him and all he has done to alienate everyone from him and think that he should/could have done things differently.

I'm not picking on the guy but if there is one word to describe my father is "inflexible".

There's a reason why no one from his family(and friends for the most part) come visit him, call him sporadically and generally ignore him.

Unless you are on the anti castro bandwagon, my dad has nothing to say to you for the most part.

Even now, after his stroke, he remains the same and refuses to even consider that someone else may be right about something.

My sister told me that I was the spitting image of my father. To which I replied, if anything, I am nothing like him. He is the old school hispanic, keeping the wife subservient, dominating the kids and their personalities, being 5 minutes early for an appointment and storming off pissed if the other party isn't on time sort of guy.

To give you more of my dad, he believes that a restaurant is not to sit down and talk or chat, only to eat food. Once that task has been accomplished, he gets up and waits outside in the car alone. He'll sit/chat and a smoke a ciggy with a total stranger outside, but can't chat with his own family inside.

If you ask him if he's hungry, he'll say yes but expects to be fed right then and now and will get up and leave if he's not eating within minutes.

Years ago, when my parents were married and we used to go to family functions, the typical argument was about boxers and who the best were etc...

Ali, Forman, Frazier...etc.My father would say " the best boxer ever was Teofilo Stevenson, period"

My uncles would reply, well Ali was , so and so...

My father would interrupt and say Stevenson, period.

My uncles would say, blah, blad and my father would say " I said period, period, period"

My uncles would tell him "hey, you're not my father and I have my own opinion, go fock yourself!"

My father would then tell us all to get ready cause we were leaving and call my uncles cretins.

I can go on and on, but one thing my father taught me, without trying to, is to be more flexible, understanding and patient with people. And that I don't know it all.

What about you all?

Botnst · #2 11-11-2005, 07:05 PM

That stoicism is an under-appreciated philosophy.

bobbyv · #3 11-11-2005, 07:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Plantman

My sister told me that I was the spitting image of my father. To which I replied, if anything, I am nothing like him.

beware the dark side of the force ... be careful of what you hate - you might just turn out that way ...

seriously, that happens in every family and generation, in one form or another, and in varying degrees. Same thing with my father, who already passed away. I still have some "residual angst" within me, and it will take some more time for me to "anneal".

I blame him for many things in my life and those of my mother and my siblings, even up to now. However, I realize that I cannot go on blaming him for my problems for the rest of my life, and I decided to just accept my "hand of cards" in life and take responsibility for my destiny. This is surely not easy to do, and is an ongoing process for me.

It is different for everyone, so this is intended for sharing, not for preaching ...

MikeTangas · #4 11-11-2005, 08:43 PM

Mine taught me to stand stand up to a pugilist....

by knocking me between the runnin' lights regularly.

rdanz · #5 11-11-2005, 08:58 PM

One thing my dad taught me was respect. Everyone has the right to there opinion and many times even though I didn't agree with him I kept silent out of respect. We learned early in life family business stays in the family. When you put someone close in your family down to others they listen but have no respect for you. As far as blaming other people for your shortcomings its what people who don't succeed do they blame others instead of takin responsibility for our own actions. My dad was strict but thats the way he was raised also. I would give anything to have him around today faults or no faults.
Love and enjoy your parents while still have them.

MikeTangas · #6 11-11-2005, 09:03 PM

Don't get me wrong, I undoubtedly deserved it. I was taught to respect my elders, still have the utmost respect for my Dad. Hell, I was over 30 before I could talk in "color" with my Dad (not counting a few slips of the tongue after being off-shore for a few weeks)...seems to be about the same time he let me run a skill saw in his presence, LOL, he always had to do it..

kerry · #7 11-11-2005, 09:16 PM

I think I agree with Plantman. I learned more from thinking about what part of my father's life I did not want to imitate than from what part I did. Perhaps this is because imitating our dads (for guys) is so natural that the only option open to a person who wants to think about what parts of their father's life was good/ bad is to try to purge onself of the bad influences.
Or, to put it as a question, Has anyone had to work hard to adopt their dad's bad traits?

Kuan · #8 11-11-2005, 09:33 PM

Plantman, your Dad's a great personality. Unique, interesting.

My Dad died early of heart disease, a little too early for me to realize just what was going on with his life. Now 20 years later I realize that all that he was I don't want to be and I'm not.

Womanizing, a new one every coupla years and one or two backups, mostly in their 20's.

Too much smoking. 2-3 packs a day. Marlboros.

Stress from running the business 20hrs a day and trying to keep up with his darn MB's.

Bad diet. Too much fatty pork and prime rib.

Couldn't come to grips with his depression.

Put a lot of pressure on me to excel. He had his expectations and never once asked what I wanted.

Never listened to his body. Heart disease and diabetes.

Had a clear favorite, me, the eldest, and never paid the same attention to my other brothers.

Treated my mom like ****.

Dead at 42.

I'm still learning from him. I love him like crazy.

Botnst · #9 11-11-2005, 09:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kerry edwards

I think I agree with Plantman. I learned more from thinking about what part of my father's life I did not want to imitate than from what part I did. Perhaps this is because imitating our dads (for guys) is so natural that the only option open to a person who wants to think about what parts of their father's life was good/ bad is to try to purge onself of the bad influences.
Or, to put it as a question, Has anyone had to work hard to adopt their dad's bad traits?

Great insight, Kerry.

To me, the important thing is to learn all of the lessons, not just the ones they dump on us and not just the ones that we find most agreeable.

For example, I intentionally unloaded a great vessel of guilt on my oldest kid the other day (circumstances are not important). Please accept that it was deserved, I had been done wrong.

For nearly a day I was real self-satisfied. I finally got my shot and I made it count. Late in the evening Mrs Bot said something, intentionally, that forced me to take another look at myself. I still believe that I acted in a logical fashion, considering the injustice. Within a kind and gentle moment, Mrs Bot forced me to make a more circumspect appraisal.

So the next day I wrote my kid a note indicating that the load of guilt I dumped on her was disproportionate to the injustice I suffered, and for that, I apologized. I let her know that it was my problem that I felt injured, not hers.

It was the right thing to do. Why? And why did it take somebody else to notice and call my attention to it?

Bot

G-Benz · #10 11-12-2005, 01:43 AM

Wow! 11 posts and da "Bone" hasn't chimed in yet!?? In Italy again?

dkveuro · #11 11-12-2005, 02:04 AM

Look...I see the enemy...and it is us !

.

Benzadmiral · #12 11-12-2005, 09:34 AM

From my father, only three things worth remembering:
(1) Anything worth doing is worth doing right. (Corollary: Always double-check your arithmetic.)
(2) If you're going to drink alcohol, do it at home. It's cheaper and safer.
(3) Always get off the carousel in the direction it's turning.

And that was all I ever got from him. (Though I have to admit, No. 1 covers nearly anything in life.)

From Mom, I learned to love cats, how to do hospital corners when making my bed. To check out facts, to play with ideas, to enjoy learning.

Plantman · #13 11-12-2005, 09:41 AM

I made huge strides last night, for me at least.

I don't agree with my sons haircut or his friends because of their haircut. Think white kid w/corn rows/afro and you'll picture my kid.

I hate it and have been isolated from him for months.

Came home last night and chilled with him and his friends and realized that hairstyle aside, they are pretty good kids. Mannerly, respectful. Everything I thought they would'nt be.

Just goes to show what can happen when you open your mind.

Thanks guys.

el presidente · #14 11-12-2005, 11:16 AM

I've learned how truly important family is. The blessings of education. Fortitude. Sacrifice. Faith. Compassion. Humbleness. Moderation.

Respect for others and self-respect.

I couldn't see all these things as a youngster, but see them very clearly today. Obviously, I hold both my parents in very high regard. Fortunately, both are still with us and they recently celebrated their 50th Anniversary. They tell me they are proud of me, but I feel I can also do much better.

The day I decided to quit trying to live up to their expectations and started to try to live up to mine, was the day I finally grew up (I was a late bloomer comapred to my brothers and sisters). They saw that in me and now....somehow....I've seemed to exceed their expectations.

davidmash · #15 11-12-2005, 03:50 PM

I learned the value of a dollar. Dad came to the US with $5 and my mom had $8 (dad always said he wanted to marry a rich woman).

I also learned that no matter how hard I think my life is, it ain’t half bad. My folks are survivors of the holocaust. Any time I even begin to think that this is just no fair or to hard or … I think of all the stories my mom and dad have told and think, crap, if they can get through that then I ain’t got anything to complain about.

Mom also said that "ain’t" is not in the dictionary and not to use it. Well mom, if you watching, it is in the dictionary now so this "ain’t" is for you.