Opinions on when to stop giving your children bday gifts? - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

fz500sel · #1 01-26-2006, 11:16 PM

My oldest daughter is now 19 y.o. and has started college. For the last 15 years, I have always given her and her younger sister $100 for their bdays. Should I continue to give her the bday gift? I want her to learn the value of money. She still doesn't seem to know how to save.

On one hand, I feel I should give her the expected (I know she will expect it) $100, but on the other hand, I want her to realize that she is an adult and can't expect daddy to keep doing this year after year. I have paid the last 16 years of child support for her.

What do you guys think?

kerry · #2 01-26-2006, 11:33 PM

I'm 52 and still get birthday gifts from my parents. They don't understand me very well so it's usually a crapshoot as to whether the gift is useful.
I think an actual gift as opposed to $$ avoids the problem of encouraging fiscal irresponsibility while still expressing love.

Nate · #3 01-27-2006, 12:00 AM

as a kid, I can say that getting money sucks...
Some can pass off it as "now i can get exactly what i want", but $$ is a cop out. Dont get me started on gift cards either ($2 a month after 6 of inactivity on a $5 card??????? AHHHHH)

Gifts are golden, lets you know if your parents are thinking about you or not so much

~Nate (15 for another month)

GottaDiesel · #4 01-27-2006, 12:03 AM

Never.

My parents and I have have our differences, but I'll admit, I still LOVE getting gifts and such from them.

G-Benz · #5 01-27-2006, 12:10 AM

The damage is already done...continue giving the gifts as you always have. I suppose you could even continue to do so until your girls get married.

As far as learning the value of money, its taught through everyday lessons, not from a yearly gift. You may want to get her to understand some fundamentals before she does any real damage to her credit (card companies should be sending her pretty tasty offers by now).

From the way my daughter makes requests to me, it's obvious she has no clue how much money it takes to keep things humming.

Azimyth · #6 01-27-2006, 12:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nateid15

as a kid, I can say that getting money sucks...
Some can pass off it as "now i can get exactly what i want", but $$ is a cop out. Dont get me started on gift cards either ($2 a month after 6 of inactivity on a $5 card??????? AHHHHH)

Gifts are golden, lets you know if your parents are thinking about you or not so much

~Nate (15 for another month)

This is a potent message.

Fz500, perhaps the gifts could be of a different nature. Maybe service of some sort rendered personally, or a gift you made of your own talents and labor. These are the gifts that last life times.

Thanks, Nate. You made my day.

BodhiBenz1987 · #7 01-27-2006, 12:54 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fz500sel

My oldest daughter is now 19 y.o. and has started college. For the last 15 years, I have always given her and her younger sister $100 for their bdays. Should I continue to give her the bday gift? I want her to learn the value of money. She still doesn't seem to know how to save.

On one hand, I feel I should give her the expected (I know she will expect it) $100, but on the other hand, I want her to realize that she is an adult and can't expect daddy to keep doing this year after year. I have paid the last 16 years of child support for her.

What do you guys think?

Next year, give her a treasury bill or bonds, or even $100 worth of a fairly stable stock. Give her that and a book on investing/saving.

I'm 24 and my parents still give me money for birthdays/Christmas. However, I'm so frugal that they can't even MAKE me spend it ... I stick it in the bank or invest it. If your daughter's blowing it all on cute skirts and shoes, I'd switch gift traditions to something else. College-age girls generally love to spend as though money flows freely from pipelines into their palms ... wouldn't hurt her to learn that is doesn't work that way.

That said, my family has always done something to celebrate birthdays for all members, no matter their ages. Rather than just money, take her on a cool trip or to a nice dinner. It will mean more in the long run. Just my two cents.

MTI · #8 01-27-2006, 01:25 AM

How about when they stop sending thank you cards.

BrierS · #9 01-27-2006, 05:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MTI

How about when they stop sending thank you cards.

A box of "thank-you" cards would make a wonderful gift to accompany that something other . . . a book of stamps to mail them would offer another nice (nudge) touch.

fz500sel · #10 01-27-2006, 07:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MTI

How about when they stop sending thank you cards.

Problem is I have NEVER received a thank you card. I will occasionally get the "thank you" but 9 times out of 10, it is because I have asked them "have you gotten the bday card I sent you?"

My parents stopped sending me a gift when I became an adult. I wish I lived near my daughters (I am in FL and they are in MI). I would love to take them out to dinner or something like that rather than sending them anything.

R Leo · #11 01-27-2006, 08:31 AM

My kids are 21 & 24. They still get a gift at bday...Thing One is something of a nomad so shopping is a challenge. A good bluegrass CD or obscure folk artist fills the bill for him. Thing Two travels light also; this year's gift is a row three ticket at a San Antonio performance of Circe du Soliel. FWIF, my Dad is 74, Stepmother is Gawdknowshowold and my Mom is 71. They all get gifts from me at bday and we generally receive something from them too.

Quote:

I'm 52 and still get birthday gifts from my parents. They don't understand me very well so it's usually a crapshoot as to whether the gift is useful.

Haha!! No kidding. I was 'sweating' this year's X-mas gift because, more than once, I'd heard my Dad mention that it would be neat to have a Texas Longhorn steer at the farm.

In the words of WC Fields: "Nice to look at but, I wouldn't want to own one." IMHO, if it has four legs and is on my land it had better be making calves (either with the inny or the outy plumbing), meat, clearing brush (ie goats), mousing or keeping strangers inside their cars until I can see what they are about.

Fortunately, no steer appeared.

Jason Beal · #12 01-27-2006, 02:54 PM

I have given my kids "coupons" for time with me (or wife) only. Lunch together, bike ride together, etc etc. They love that more then anything I have given them, and ask for them again.

suginami · #13 01-27-2006, 04:37 PM

I think it is normal for parents to give their children birthday presents, even when the children are adults. As far as I'm concerned, it is not important whether the gift is an actual gift, money, or a gift card.

Regarding your daughter's inability to know how to save:

I don't understand the connection between giving her a gift (for X-mas or B'day) and teaching her the value of saving. A gift is a gift. Just that.

Children are taught how to learn to value money by having them earn money by working around the house, i.e. doing chores, or by actually having a real job.

I suspect that if she hasn't learned to save money by age 19 (your fault or not), she will have to learn the lesson the hard way - - - the school of hard knocks.

Nate · #14 01-27-2006, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Azimyth

This is a potent message.

Fz500, perhaps the gifts could be of a different nature. Maybe service of some sort rendered personally, or a gift you made of your own talents and labor. These are the gifts that last life times.

Thanks, Nate. You made my day.

No problem...

Stop sending money, its really a cop out... Make something, spend time together, or whatnot... A gift card is one of the worse things to give, ESPECIALLY if theres no card...

Id preffer a card WITHOUT a gift card, to one with a gift card...

Go out to eat, go for a senic drive, go out and make her something usefull... Could even unexpectedly drop by, detail her car, and leave a note under the wiperblade...

Moneys a stupid gift imho, but what to I know, "just a stupid kid who doesnt know anything"... Yeah, im not in a good mood today...

~Nate

aklim · #15 01-27-2006, 11:47 PM

Question. Maybe $100 was a big deal when we were kids. However, today $100 doesn't get you that far. So, that means you are not really going to accomplish anything whether you give her the money or not.

Soooo, if she doesn't bother to thank you, why give the gift? Hell, the guy on the corner of 5th and Main who is a panhandler knows how to say "thanks" when you dump a quarter in his cup. That is a different story from your question of whether you are spoiling them or not. They have learnt that they need not bother to show gratitude. That is the reason for stopping the money or ANY gift. If they are not greatful for the gift, maybe it isn't such a good gift. If so, why keep sending it?

Hell, if you paypal me the money, I'll even send you a card and say "Thanx"