An Irishman an Englishman and a Scotsman were sitting in a bar in
Sydney. The view was fantastic, the beer excellent, and the food exceptional.

But" said the Scotsman. "I still prefer the pubs back home. Why in Glasgow there's a little bar called McTavish's. Now the landlord there goes out of his way for the locals: so much so that when you buy 4 drinks, he will buy the 5th drink for you."

"Well." said the Englishman "At my local, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your 3rd drink after you buy the first 2."

"Ahhh that's nuthin'" said the Irishman "Back home in Dublin there's a pub called O"Ryan's Bar. The moment you set foot in the place they'll buy you a drink, then another. all the drinks you like. Then when you've had enough to drink, they'll take you upstairs and see that you get laid. All on the house."

The Englishman and Scotsman immediately poured scorn on the Irishman's claims, but he swears that every word is true.

"Well" said the Englishman "Did this actually happen to you?"

"Not myself personally no" said the Irishman. "But it did happen to my sister".

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather dignified, well-dressed good looking man in his late 40s or early 50s.

"May I help you?" she asked.

"I want to see Valerie," the man replied.

"Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else," said the madam.

"No. I must see Valerie," was the man's reply.

Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left.

The next night, the same man appeared again, demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that none had ever come back two nights in a row -- too expensive -- and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left.

The following night the man was there again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for the third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie questioned the man.

"No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?" she asked.

The man replied, "South Carolina."

"Really" she said. "I have family in South Carolina."

"I know," the man said. "Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance."

The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain:
1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer

(apologies to all decent lawyers out there)

Did you know that a Yankee is much like a quickie, but a man can do it by himself.

Three guys were sitting in a bar talking. One was a Doctor, one was a Lawyer, and one was a Biker. After a sip of his martini, the doctor said, "You know, tomorrow is my anniversary. I got my wife a diamond ring and a new Mercedes. I figure that if she doesn't like the diamond ring, she will at least like the Mercedes, and she will know that I love her." After finishing his scotch, the lawyer replied, "Well, on my last anniversary, I got my wife a string of pearls and a trip to the Bahamas . I figured if she didn't like the pearls, she would at least like the trip, and she would know that I love her." The Biker then took a big swig from his beer, and said, "Yah, well for my anniversary, I got my old lady a tee-shirt and a vibrator. I figured if she didn't like the tee-shirt, she could go f*** herself."

New Product from Apple
 

APPLE COMPUTER PRODUCT:
Apple Computer reported today that it has developed computer chips that can store and play music inside women's breasts . This is considered to be a major breakthrough because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

what would ya say she is.. twin 80 gigs?

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y74...derx24/boo.jpg

Nope - I think you have megs and gigs confused. She has twin 80 meg.

These are twin Gigs !!
 

Can you spot the difference between gigs and megs now? :D

pfft thats just a marketing ploy by microsoft and their new digital player "zune"

A lesbian walks into a sex toy store and asks where the vibrators are. "Come this way," the cute woman behind the counter says, gesturing with her finger.

"If I could come that way, I wouldn't need the vibrator, would I?" the woman responds.

:D :D :D

A woman walks into her doctor’s office and says “Doctor, I have this terrible rash.” She lifts up her sweater to reveal a large ‘M’ shaped rash. The doctor replies, “Now that is the strangest rash I’ve ever seen.” The woman explains, “Well my boyfriend goes to Michigan and refuses to take off his letter sweater when we make love.” The doctor shrugs her shoulders, prescribes some lotion and sends the woman on her way.

The next day another woman comes in with a very similar rash. “How did you get that?” the doctor asks. “My boyfriend goes to MIT and he refuses to take his letter sweater off when we make love,” she says. The doctor prescribes some lotion and sends the young lady on her way.

The third day another young woman comes into the doctor’s office and she too has a big rash in the shape of an ‘M’ on her chest.

“Let me guess,” the doctor says. “Your boyfriend goes to Maryland?” “No,” the patient replies, “My girlfriend goes to Wellesley.”

:eek: I'm so sorry.

Second response: Can you spell 'breast reduction surgery,' young lady?