> >CINDERELLA wants to go to the ball, but her wicked stepmother won't let
> >her. As Cinderella sits crying in the garden, her fairy godmother
> >appears, and promised to provide Cinderella with everything she needs to
> >go to the ball, but only on two conditions. "First, you must wear a
> >diaphragm."
> >
> >Cinderella agrees. "What's the second condition?"
> >
> >"You must be home by 2:00 a.m. Any later, and your diaphragm will turn
> >into a pumpkin."
> >
> >Cinderella agrees to be home by 2:00 a.m . The appointed hour comes and
> >goes, and Cinderella doesn't show up. Finally, at 5:00 a.m. Cinderella
> >shows up, looking love struck and very satisfied.
> >
> >"Where have you been?" demands the Fairy Godmother. "Your diaphragm was
> >supposed to turn into a pumpkin three hours ago!!!"
> >
> >" I met a prince, Fairy Godmother. He took care of everything."
> >
> >The Fairy Godmother stated, "I know of no prince with that kind of
> >power! Tell me his name!"
> >
> >Cinderella replied, I can't remember, exactly, Peter, Peter, something
> >or other..."
> >
> >
> >
>
>************************************************* ****************************************
> >PINOCCHIO had a human girlfriend who would sometimes complain about
> >splinters when they were having sex. Pinocchio, therefore, went to visit
> >Gepetto to see if he could help. Gepetto suggested he try a little
> >sandpaper wherever indicated and Pinocchio skipped away enlightened.
> >
> >A couple weeks later, Gepetto saw Pinocchio bouncing happily through
> >town and asked him, "How's the girlfriend?"
> >
> >Pinocchio replied, "Who needs a girlfriend?"
> >
> >
>
>************************************************* ****************************************
> >LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD was walking through the woods when suddenly the
> >Big Bad Wolf jumped out from behind a tree and, holding a sword to her
> >throat, said, "Red, I'm going to screw your brains out!"
> >
> >To that, Little Red Riding Hood calmly reached into her picnic basket
> >and pulled out a 44 magnum and pointed it at him and said, "No, you're
> >not. You're going to eat me, just like it says in the book."
> >
> >
>
>************************************************* ****************************************
> > MICKEY MOUSE and MINNIE MOUSE were in divorce court and the judge said
> >to Mickey, "You say here that your wife is crazy."
> >
> >Mickey replied, "I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's f**king
> >Goofy."
> >
> >
>
>************************************************* *****************************************
> >SNOW WHITE saw Pinocchio walking through the woods so she ran up behind
> >him, knocked him flat on his back, and then sat on his face crying, "Lie
> >to me! Lie to me!"
> >
> >
> >
>
>************************************************* *****************************************
> >
> >One day, JANE met TARZAN in the jungle. She was very attracted to him
> >and during her questions about his life she asked him how he engaged in
> >sex.
> >
> >"What's that?" he asked.
> >
> >She explained to him what sex was and he said, "Oh, I use a hole in the
> >trunk of a tree."
> >
> >Horrified, she said, " Tarzan, you have it all wrong but I will show you
> >how to do it properly." She took off her clothes, lay down on the ground
> >and spread her legs. "Here," she said, "you must put it in here."
> >
> >Tarzan removed his loincloth, stepped closer and then gave her an
> >almighty kick in the crotch. Jane rolled around in agony. Eventually she
> >managed to gasp, "What the hell did you do that for?"
> >
> >"Just checking for bees," said Tarzan
> >