American know how. - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

Dubyagee · #1 03-12-2007, 09:26 PM

Subject: Corporate Progress

A Japanese company and an American company decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was that the Japanese had eight people rowing and one person steering, while the American team had eight people steering and one person rowing. Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion. They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team's management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents and one assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the one person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the "Rowing Team Quality First Program," with meetings, dinners and free pens for the rower.

There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year, the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance,halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and canceled all capital investments for new equipment.

The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year's racing team was outsourced to India.

The End.

450slcguy · #2 03-12-2007, 09:31 PM

Funny, but painfully close to the truth.

Hatterasguy · #3 03-12-2007, 09:38 PM

Funny! But its not far from the truth.

OMEGAMAN · #4 03-12-2007, 09:43 PM

I swear that happened at Union Pacific about a week ago!

SwampYankee · #5 03-13-2007, 08:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 450slcguy

Funny, but painfully close to the truth.

Not only that, it's not just the Japanese any more.

G-Benz · #6 03-13-2007, 09:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SwampYankee

Not only that, it's not just the Japanese any more.

Apparently, MB has also been using one rower lately...

BENZ-LGB · #7 03-13-2007, 11:00 AM

I swear, I should open a consulting business.

Those guys get paid a lot to state the obvious.

Dee8go · #8 03-13-2007, 11:34 AM

You could become "The Corporate Oracle!" You tell management what they're doing wrong, what they SHOULD do to correct the problem, collect your consulting fee, and then leave before they completely bankrupt the company.

Hatterasguy · #9 03-13-2007, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee8go

You could become "The Corporate Oracle!" You tell management what they're doing wrong, what they SHOULD do to correct the problem, collect your consulting fee, and then leave before they completely bankrupt the company.

Not a bad system, gettimg paid to tell people they suck at their jobs!

KylePavao · #10 03-13-2007, 11:59 AM

It's probably real close to the truth, but every day at college this is all I hear! China is going to sink us, become the superpower, etc. It's a real downer, but I hope US workers will eventually adapt to the situation and demonstrate the ingenuity and know how they have in the past, as well as the ability to adapt to changing world economies.

Dee8go · #11 03-13-2007, 12:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hatterasguy

Not a bad system, gettimg paid to tell people they suck at their jobs!

And to think, I've been doing this at my company for free for years now! The management has almost succeeded in sinking this ship in spite of extraordinary efforts by the workers to keep it afloat. We're bailing as fast as we can and he is chopping new holes in the hull "to let the water out!"

Hatterasguy · #12 03-13-2007, 12:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee8go

And to think, I've been doing this at my company for free for years now! The management has almost succeeded in sinking this ship in spite of extraordinary efforts by the workers to keep it afloat. We're bailing as fast as we can and he is chopping new holes in the hull "to let the water out!"

The solution is simple, offer to let them pay you $100k to tell them said information.

BENZ-LGB · #13 03-13-2007, 12:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dee8go

And to think, I've been doing this at my company for free for years now! The management has almost succeeded in sinking this ship in spite of extraordinary efforts by the workers to keep it afloat. We're bailing as fast as we can and he is chopping new holes in the hull "to let the water out!"

Mark 6:4
/1/ He left that place and came to his hometown, and his disciples followed him. /2/ On the sabbath he began to teach in the synagogue, and many who heard him were astounded. They said, "Where did this man get all this? What is this wisdom that has been given to him? What deeds of power are being done by his hands! /3/ Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary and brother of James and Joses and Judas and Simon, and are not his sisters here with us?" And they took offense at him. /4/ Then Jesus said to them, "Prophets are not without honor, except in their hometown, and among their own kin, and in their own house." /5/ And he could do no deed of power there, except that he laid his hands on a few sick people and cured them. /6/ And he was amazed at their unbelief. Then he went about among the villages teaching.

It will do you no good to tell managmeent about their own failings.

They need to hear it from an overpaid outside consultant.

I see it ALL the time.