What not to do: Top 10 international faux pas

1 Blowing your nose into a handkerchief in Japan

The Japanese call snot hanakuso - literally "nose ****" - and find the idea of walking around with a cloth full of it disgusting.

2 Getting your host's name the wrong way round in China

In the Far East name order is reversed, with the surname first, then a middle, generational name, then a given name. So calling Mr Li Wong Chee of Beijing "Mr Chee" would be like calling Mr John William Smith of London "Mr John".

3 Confusing a Canadian with an American

Or a Paraguayan with a Uruguayan, an Englishman with an Irishman or an Australian with a Kiwi. Neighbours are always the twitchiest about each other.

4 Keeping your shoes on in a temple or home in the Far East

Take them off at the door, everywhere from Burma to Japan. It's wise to be wearing clean socks - and do remember where you put your shoes. It's an awful bore to get back to the hotel and realise you're wearing Mr Yamazaki's brogues.

5 Looking at your feet when drinking a toast in Scandinavia

Right across Northern Europe, you should always meet your host's eye when saying "Skål!" or "Prost!" And the drink must then go down in one. If you fail to do this, the Germans say, seven years of bad sex will follow.

6 Teasing an Australian about how useless their national team is

Sport is the one sacred activity Down Under.

7 Giving a bottle of malt whisky in a pigskin bottle holder to an Arab host

If your Muslim host drinks, he certainly doesn't do so publicly, so drawing attention to his love of Glenfiddich is not the best idea. Like the dog, the pig is unclean in Arab countries, so pigskin only adds to the offence.

8 Being on time for an Argentinian dinner party

Dinner in Latin America is always late, but you should arrive later. Turning up on time isn't regarded as polite - just greedy.

9 Eating with your left hand in Africa and India

In areas where they routinely eat with their hands, you must use the right one. The left is the "unclean" hand, reserved for a related function a few hours later.

10 Leaving your chopsticks upright in a bowl of rice in China or Japan

Of all chopstick no-nos this is the worst, as it mimics a Japanese funeral rite, when chopsticks and rice are left by the bedside of the newly deceased.

And my personal favorite: Don't quote famous movie characters about household insects because some pinhead may take it personally.

B

I KNEW I should have tied that shoe earlier.

Damn, I was on here nearly all of this last week, and the minute I go out to see a customer all hell breaks loose!

You are referring to the humble cock-a-roach, I presume, Mr. Bot?

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" We have nothing to fear but the main stream media itself . . . ."- Adapted from Franklin D Roosevelt for the 21st century

OBK #55

1998 Lincoln Continental - Sold
Max 1984 300TD 285,000 miles - Sold
The Dee8gonator 1987 560SEC 196,000 miles - Sold
Orgasmatron - 2006 CLS500 90,000 miles
2002 C320 Wagon 122,000 miles
2016 AMG GTS 12,000 miles

Or Pakistani with and Indian or vice versa. Let me tell you....

Yeah. I wuz talkin' about Mr. Chavez in Tony Montana's voice when (affecting Gomer Pyle mannerism), "Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!", Some kind soul jumped from the shadows and took the bullet meant for Chavez and cried-out to God for relief from the terrible pain and injustice of it all. God obligingly smited me hip and thigh and made me (after much wailing and gnashing of teeth) say the rosary in penance, then made me promise to go forth and sin no more.

Apparently anti-semitism is okay but Tony Montana is definitely out of bounds.

B