Now this is one hell of an ad! I may just have to go buy the car purely for that reason!

Currently active at http://westmd.craigslist.org/car/565710523.html

reposted below for when it expires.


1994 Ford Taurus SHO (Baller Status v2.0) - $1600

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Reply to: sale-565710523@craigslist.org
Date: 2008-02-07, 1:50AM EST


Congratulations, you have just clicked on the most bad ass listing ever to grace the Western MD Craigslist page.

Up for sale today is a 1994 Taurus SHO. Unlike most Ford products, this car

1. Runs.
2. Moves forward.
3. Stops when you hit the middle of the pedals on the drivers side floorboard.

I'm guessing its because the engine was made by Yamaha, although the extensive maintenance and lack of a 17 y/o owner might have played a part in this feat as well.

Turning can be tricky (if you are a female on a cell phone) - otherwise it does turn as well as any other 3400 pound sedan.

Now at this point you might be asking yourself "why do I want a 14y/o Taurus." The answer to this is because its awesome. There is simply no better explanation. This car eats rocks and ****s lightning bolts. You do not want to drive this car if you are elderly, have a heart condition, are pregnant, or are allergic to testosterone. After some research I learned that the car's previous owners include Peter North, Chuck Norris and Dracula (not the gay dude in the 1946 version either.) The ladies love this car and the cops cant touch it - it's like Marlon Brando (except it only costs $1600.)

Now I want to stress a few things that people seem to have missed in my more serious articles

a. Its a 5-speed. Standard transmission. A manual. It has a clutch. It is not an automatic. So don't ask a stupid question like "is it an automatic?" because its not.

b. I am not interested in trading you for a 1981 Ford Escort that was last run in 1987 and has been sitting on your farm for the past 21 years. I am not going to give you the car for $312 and 54 cents. I am willing to consider trades if it is not an incredible POS though.

c. The car is not currently MD state inspected. It was 6 months ago when I bought it though. If you want to buy a car that has been inspected, has functional AC, full leather, navigation, a 2000w stereo and a 7-speed automatic, go to a dealership with about 100k dollars. If you want a car that will get you to work and not catch on fire then shoot me an email.

d. I am not going to accept checks from Nigeria or boxes of pizza as payment options. I am not going to give you a payment plan on a $1600 car. American dollars are acceptable though. If you are a hot female maybe we can work something else out.

e. Yes, the car does run and drive just fine. It has well over 2g of new parts (brakes, tires, suspension, stereo). It is NOT a new car - it doesn't look like a new car, it has 148k miles, get over it. If you are looking for a new car go buy a new car. 1994 was a long time ago. If you want a sweet 220hp sedan that will blow the doors off your classmates civic then this is the car for you.

IF you have somehow managed to make it this far in this listing - congratulations, go smoke a cigarette and then steal the $1600 your wife has been saving for new lamps and curtains (because if you are stupid enough to think you are getting away with just new lamps and curtains you are wrong. All of a sudden the dishwasher needs replacement, then the roof, then your dog - it just never ends) and head on down to Adam's SHO emporium - the home of the $1600 SHO.

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EDIT: It seems a few people have seen this ad floating around, so I would like to take the time to clear up a few things not expressed in the ad's original form and answer a few questions. I would also like to thank Craigslist for removing my original iteration of this ad - I appreciated it (no, really, I did.)

1. As I stated in the original ad, the car IS NOT MD INSPECTED. It is NOT ILLEGAL for me to sell it in this manor because I am a private seller, not a dealership. No, I'm not going to put a $1600 car through MD inspection on my dime after you have tried to offer me $900 for it.

2. If you call me to set up an appointment to see the car, please do one of these 3 things:
a. Show up.
b. Call me to tell me you are not coming if you are not coming.
c. Castrate yourself with a cheese grater and do the human race a favor. I do have other things to do occasionally.


Now to the Q&A:

Q: You say the car "handles as well as any other 3400lb sedan"... ever heard of a BMW M5?
A: This car would sodomize a BMW M5, make it conceive it's illegitimate child (ever seen an Infinity Q45?) and then dump its mother's lifeless shell in a gutter. Afterwards, it would smoke a cigarette and laugh about it later to all it's SHO friends.

Q: Consider a trade for my grandmothers four door maverick and a faux members only jacket?
A: Does the jacket come with your grandmother? Maybe we can make some sort of trade + cash + "other services."

Q: Does the car have a stick or automatic? :-)
A: Actually I made a mistake in the original article - the car has a 21-speed dual detailer Shimanno gear-set grafted off a 22" Huffy mountain bike I had lying around. Take that Mercedes!

__________________


1980 500SE/AMG Euro
1981 500SEL Euro
1982 380SEL
1983 300TD
1983 500SEC/AMG Euro
1984 500SEC
1984 300TD Euro
1986 190E 2.3-16
1986 190E 2.3
1987 300D
1997 C36 AMG
2003 C320T 4matic

past: 1969 280SE 4.5 | 1978 240D | 1978 300D | 1981 300SD | 1981 300SD | 1982 300CD | 1983 300CD | 1983 300SD | 1983 380SEC | 1984 300D | 1984 300D | 1984 300TD | 1984 500SEL | 1984 300SD | 1985 300D | 1986 300E | 1986 560SEL | 1986 560SEL/Carat | 1987 560SEC | 1991 300D 2.5 | 2006 R350

LOL

Tom W

__________________
[SIGPIC] Diesel loving autocrossing grandpa Architect. 08 Dodge 3/4 ton with Cummins & six speed; I have had about 35 benzes. I have a 39 Studebaker Coupe Express pickup in which I have had installed a 617 turbo and a five speed manual.[SIGPIC]

..I also have a 427 Cobra replica with an aluminum chassis.

We should give Adam a beater MB just to have him join mbshop.

Sixto
87 300D

If that was here I'd buy it. Love to meet that guy.

His single status can not be in doubt.

__________________
1991 560 SEC AMG, 199k <---- 300 hp 10:1 ECE euro HV ...

1995 E 420, 170k "The Red Plum" (sold)

2015 BMW 535i xdrive awd Stage 1 DINAN, 6k, <----364 hp

1967 Mercury Cougar, 49k

2013 Jaguar XF, 20k <----340 hp Supercharged, All Wheel Drive (sold)

Yeah, let's get him to join the forum. He's highly entertaining.

Thanks for posting that, John!

__________________
" We have nothing to fear but the main stream media itself . . . ."- Adapted from Franklin D Roosevelt for the 21st century

OBK #55

1998 Lincoln Continental - Sold
Max 1984 300TD 285,000 miles - Sold
The Dee8gonator 1987 560SEC 196,000 miles - Sold
Orgasmatron - 2006 CLS500 90,000 miles
2002 C320 Wagon 122,000 miles
2016 AMG GTS 12,000 miles

Awesome.

I have seen an ad in the Auto Trader some years back about a used Jaguar.
The seller said: The only Jaguar in Ontario (Canada) that doesn't leak anything.
Where is my cheque book I thought.

Alex

Good one. I gather that those cars were pretty fast all right.

__________________
Te futueo et caballum tuum

1986 300SDL, 362K
1984 300D, 138K

Oh yeah.

__________________
Never a dull moment at Berry Hill Farm.

Scarry fast for a front wheel drive. I test drove one with the Yamaha 6 and a 5 speen manual. You could catch rubber going into second and third. Later a V8 and auto trans were substituted for the Yamaha 6.

__________________
1959 Gravely LI, 1963 Gravely L8, 1973 Gravely C12
1982 380SL
1978 450 SEL 6.9 euro restoration at 63% and climbing
1987 300 D
2005 CDI European Delivery
2006 CDI Handed down to daughter
2007 GL CDI. Wifes

That's pretty funny. I purchased a 1989 SHO new and drove it for 10 years. It was a good all around car. But an M5 would eat it for lunch, hands down. Of course at the time the M5 was the only sedan that was faster, and it cost about 300% more $$$.

But time marches on. How many FWD family sedans don't have more - way more - than 220HP nowadays?

- JimY