Hah Hah! Onion Article NSFW!

[Kuan]

http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_roommate_hopes_five_hour?utm_source=onion_rss_daily

OSHKOSH, WI—Roommate Brian Penderman, 26, announced Monday morning that he hopes the loud bumping, grinding, and moaning of the five-hour-long f***fest he had with his girlfriend did not in any way prevent you from sleeping last night.

"I'm exhausted—are you exhausted?" Penderman asked while he extended his arms in a stretching motion and yawned loudly. "Honestly, though, I sincerely apologize if all that f***ing that was going on in my bedroom kept you up until the early hours of the morning."
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Living With Others

Penderman, who moved into the apartment last September based on your buddy Dave's insistence that he was an all-right guy, was never pressed for details, but openly volunteered information regarding the f***fest's length, the nakedness of his girlfriend, and the number of times they "did it." According to sources in the apartment, Penderman's most recent f***fest was also his first f***fest since moving in.