Not how I was planning to celebrate Darling Wife's birthday - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

ramonajim · #1 07-08-2009, 03:25 AM

Just back from the ER/hospital.

I'm on line now at this insane hour, Darling Wife right next to me on her computer typing up an email to the family and friends that she's been keeping up to date on her Ma's progress since Ma was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer back in November.

I came home from work a couple hours early, and we were just getting started on the birthday celebrating when Ed (Ma's significant other of 18 years) calls and says Ma has fallen in the bathroom and is blocking the door - wants us to come over and send Darling Wife through the bathroom window to get her out (and you haven't called 911 WHY!?!?!?!).

By the time we're screeching out of our drive, Ed calls back and says Ma was able to get up so never mind. Never mind yer arse says Darling Wife. She fell, she's going to the ER.

Long story short CT Scan of her head showed "several masses" and conversation started including phrases like palliative care and durable power of attorney. Ma was admitted and we spent the next several hours helping her answer 8 million questions from the docs and nurses.

Back to the hospital in 4 hours to meet with the oncologist. Gonna be a long day me thinks.

mpolli · #2 07-08-2009, 03:38 AM

Oh man. Late night hospital trips are no good...

amosfella · #3 07-08-2009, 04:07 AM

That's never any fun... How is your wife and mother doing??
Wife must have been disappointed about her day....

t walgamuth · #4 07-08-2009, 06:01 AM

When parents get old it is no fun for them or their children.

LUVMBDiesels · #5 07-08-2009, 06:46 AM

I feel for you and hope things work out OK for your mother and you

KarTek · #6 07-08-2009, 09:59 AM

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles. I can relate as my father is at the age where stuff like this can happen. I live in fear of the calls that come at 2AM because he's either been hurt, can't find something or he can't figure out the computer and he doesn't realize what time it is so he just calls.

He has no concept of time of day or day of the week.

Mistress · #7 07-08-2009, 10:07 AM

PM sent.

SwampYankee · #8 07-08-2009, 10:38 AM

Damn, sorry to hear that, Jim. Thoughts and prayers to Ma and family!

(and for your dad, Evan!)

Dee8go · #9 07-08-2009, 03:37 PM

I'm so sorry to hear that. My mother died about this time last year of lung cancer. It seems that it's pretty common for it to metasticize to the brain. It's hard to go through with someone you love, but at least my sister and I had plenty of warning and were able to spend a lot of quality time with mom before she died. Make the most of everyday and you'll have no regrets. I guess that applies pretty much to everything, though.

R Leo · #10 07-08-2009, 05:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by t walgamuth

When parents get old it is no fun for them or their children.

No kidding. Am there now.

Be thankful that you're close enough to be a phone call away. Take care!

tankdriver · #11 07-08-2009, 08:16 PM

Sorry to hear. GL to you & your family.

ramonajim · #12 07-09-2009, 11:57 AM

First, my sincere thanks for the kind words (here and in PM's), thoughts, and prayers. They are appreciated.

An update..... with a little background.

Back in the 70's, Ma was a young & successful reporter (published in Washington Post, Warfields, Baltimore Sun, etc). Had a fling with another Post reporter, got pregnant, got fired for being pregnant.

Ma had the kids (twins - Darling Wife and her brother), and did freelance writing. For the next 8 years she paid the bills and sowed the seeds that yielded two damn smart, resourceful, and compassionate kids. Had some 'quirks' from the family tree (some anxiety, some depression).

Then she hooked up with a guy who turned out to be a royal arsehat. Quirks grew to disabling levels. Arsehat was booted, but Ma never really recovered her mental strength. Writing became sporadic, and Ma + kids live on ~$4k a year for a while. Darling Wife and her brother pretty much finished raising themselves, along with caring for Ma, later with help from Ed - guy Ma hooked up with 18 years ago.

Ed is a good guy, eventually gains informal "adopted as dad" status with Darling Wife. Ed has his own issues over the past 5 years or so (depression, health issues). Heart of gold, but can't hold on to a job. Little money, no health insurance.

Fast forward to last November. Ma was diagnosed with small cell lung cancer (thought she had pneumonia). She finally consented to being hauled to the ER after much prodding - she hadn't seen a doc in 10+ years for ANYTHING. Tumor in her lung, plus a few stray cancer cells in the fluid around her lungs = stage 4 diagnosis.

GREAT docs and hospital folks in Baltimore treat Ma with chemo, eliminate all traces of cancer as of her April '09 check up. About this same time, we're finishing up The Cottage for Ma & Ed so that we can move them close to us.

While we're getting Ma and Ed moved into the cottage, Ma is acting more "off" than usual. Quirks (pack rat to an extreme, lashing out at Ed and Darling Wife when she is scared, etc.) getting worse, lasting longer. Change is VERY scary to Ma, so some level of behavior is assumed to be result of LOTS of change in her world. Lashing out grows into refusing to talk to Darling Wife, telling people we've abandoned her, telling Ed he has to move out, etc. Darling Wife soldiers through it all, conning Ma into seeing mental health folks (a HUGE fear of Ma's), keeping (most) of her doc appointments, working through the massive chaos that is medical assistance, etc.

Level of calm returns once we get most of the heavy lifting done for the move. Slowly morphs into Ma becoming really calm, almost submissive. Darling Wife starts noticing short term memory misses, twists arm of new radiation oncologist here in Frederick to see Ma earlier than planned. That appointment was for Wednesday. Tuesday is when Ma fell. No outward signs of bruising, cuts, nothing - but she doesn't remember falling. Doesn't remember going into the bathroom (she'd just finished bathing). Off to the ER we go. By Wednesday afternoon, the steroids they're pumping into Ma have reduced the swelling in her head, and Ma is back to being Ma - memory has improved, motor skills sharpened, personality is much more Ma like.

Tests get run, docs get met, current situation and go forward plans start taking shape. Just heard from Darling Wife - multiple tumors in her head they can see, who knows how many they can't see. Doc says with radiation treatments they can 'manage' the growth of the tumors, probably even reduce them in size. Side effects to worry about (which can include causing the same kind of mental function changes the pressure from the tumors caused), scarring (of the brain) will happen and eventually render further treatment pointless. Time frame tbd, but probably measured in months vs. weeks.

Today is Ma's birthday - she's 58.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Fulcrum525 · #13 07-09-2009, 02:54 PM

dynalow · #14 07-09-2009, 03:13 PM

Radiation.

My best friend died last year from cancer. Near the end he received radiation for lung spots, which eventually destroyed his throat/esophagus muscles, so he couldn't speak or swallow. I asked him if he knew it was going to be that way, would he have taken the radiation. He sadly shook his head "no"

She's a pretty young woman at 58. Any chance to blend radiation with surgery to combat the growth and relieve the pressure? A neighbor of mine had a brain tumor removed and thru chemo and surgery lived many years. He was afflicted in his late 20's, but recovered and lived many years, probably fifteen or more, until the tumors roared back and took him last year.

Wishing you and the family the best possible outcome.

Dee8go · #15 07-09-2009, 05:02 PM

I'm really sorry to hear that. My uncle had what they called "oat cell" cancer. It only came to their attention because he began to act erratically. Cancer is such a hateful, evil disease. It's not easy to watch someone you care about go through that.