Obama to GOP: I Will Quit Smoking if You Will Quit Being Dicks
Republicans’ Habit Harder to Break, Experts Say

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – President Barack Obama today threw down a new gauntlet in the battle over healthcare reform, telling his Republican opponents, “Here’s the deal: I will quit smoking if you will quit being dicks.”

While most political observers expected the GOP leadership to reject the President’s offer out of hand, House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) suggested that he and other top Republicans would “take seriously” Mr. Obama’s challenge to cease their dick-like behavior.

“We want what’s best for the American people,” Rep. Boehner said. “If that means making a supreme sacrifice, which stopping being dicks definitely would be, we will certainly consider that.”

But according to Dr. Davis Logsdon, who studies addictive dick-like habits at the University of Minnesota Medical School, it may be easier for President Obama to quit smoking than for congressional Republicans to stop being such dicks.

“Dickiness is one of the most stubborn addictions out there,” he said. “Medical science has yet to invent an effective dick patch.”

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You're a daisy if you do.
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84 Euro 240D 4spd. 220.5k sold
04 Honda Element AWD
1985 F150 XLT 4x4, 351W with 270k miles, hay hauler
1997 Suzuki Sidekick 4x4
1993 Toyota 4wd Pickup 226K and counting

Onion anyone??

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On some nights I still believe that a car with the fuel gauge on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio. - HST

1983 300SD - 305000
1984 Toyota Landcruiser - 190000
1994 GMC Jimmy - 203000

https://media.giphy.com/media/X3nnss8PAj5aU/giphy.gif

I've never found anything written by Andy Borowitz funny. Fresh Prince is close, but that show was just a meh in my eyes. I personally love Will Smith for other reasons, but that is the only reason why I like the show.

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-Typos courtesy of my mobile phone.

That's what she said.

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1985 500SL Euro w/ AMG bits 130k
1984 300SD Turbodiesel 192k
1980 240D Stick China 188k
2001 CLK55 AMG 101k
2007 S600 Biturbo 149k Overheated Project, IT'S ALIVE!!!