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Old 03-09-2011, 12:35 AM
TylerH860's Avatar
KHAAAAAAN-gress
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Wichita, Ks
Posts: 5,187
Going out of town Thursday

I'll be gone a week and will be checking intermittently. My girlfriend of nearly 2 years dumped me yesterday, citing part of the reason was being on the computer too much while she was around. I would have cut back (hell I would have tossed the laptop out the window if it would have made a difference) but she didn't even give me the chance. There were other reasons, such as her thinking the cars are more important than her, but I didn't get the chance to even try and be more accommodating or correct any behavior. The conversation can be summed up as "its not me, its you." Certainly stings.

Things are sort of upside-down right now and I'm re-evaluating everything. I had doubts/concerns but I was comfortable and cared deeply about her. I did not see this coming; when she called saying "we need to talk" my first thought was I knocked her up. We had a great weekend together, or so I thought.

I'm picking up a 2001 Jaguar XJR in Atlanta and driving it to the Amelia island concourse in Florida. Then I make a Southern run stopping in Destin, FL, New Orleans, LA, and Paris, TX.

Lot's of things to think about. There's really nothing keeping me here in Wichita, and all my friends had the good sense to move away from here to somewhere else with more to do. I find myself going out of town almost once a month just to get away for some activity. That's not a sustainable pattern, and changing locations to a place where good friends live and there's plenty of local activities to choose from was something I always fantasized about. I can do what I do pretty much anywhere, but that may change as well. Thankfully I have a long stretch of road to think about things and listen to a few books on tape.

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  #2  
Old 03-09-2011, 12:41 AM
Skid Row Joe's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TylerH860 View Post
I'll be gone a week and will be checking intermittently. My girlfriend of nearly 2 years dumped me yesterday, citing part of the reason was being on the computer too much while she was around. I would have cut back (hell I would have tossed the laptop out the window if it would have made a difference) but she didn't even give me the chance. There were other reasons, such as her thinking the cars are more important than her, but I didn't get the chance to even try and be more accommodating or correct any behavior. The conversation can be summed up as "its not me, its you." Certainly stings.

Things are sort of upside-down right now and I'm re-evaluating everything. I had doubts/concerns but I was comfortable and cared deeply about her. I did not see this coming; when she called saying "we need to talk" my first thought was I knocked her up. We had a great weekend together, or so I thought.

I'm picking up a 2001 Jaguar XJR in Atlanta and driving it to the Amelia island concourse in Florida. Then I make a Southern run stopping in Destin, FL, New Orleans, LA, and Paris, TX.

Lot's of things to think about. There's really nothing keeping me here in Wichita, and all my friends had the good sense to move away from here to somewhere else with more to do. I find myself going out of town almost once a month just to get away for some activity. That's not a sustainable pattern, and changing locations to a place where good friends live and there's plenty of local activities to choose from was something I always fantasized about. I can do what I do pretty much anywhere, but that may change as well. Thankfully I have a long stretch of road to think about things and listen to a few books on tape.
Ring me up and stop by if you like, Tyler.

It's tough being independent, calling all the shots - I live where I want to live, go where I want to go globally, and of course I buy whatever I want to buy - but it works for me. I wouldn't trade it for an incompatible partner for almost anything - and I can't be bought, 'cause I certainly don't need the money, so that wouldn't work on me.

Take care!
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  #3  
Old 03-09-2011, 12:55 AM
mgburg's Avatar
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Sorry to hear the news...sometimes the things closest to us we fail to see or take care of, as we should, 'til it's too late.

Hang in there though...we're here to lend a shoulder and hopefully, our ears.

PM if you need a few phone numbers...to have when you need a voice to talk to or to listen to whatever's on your mind.

We'll be here for you guy!
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  #4  
Old 03-09-2011, 01:12 AM
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I have to take the lady's side when it comes to the computer. Unless you are researching and seeking new prospects or networking, you owe her some time. And its just plain rude (guilty here as well, not just passing judgement).

But when it comes to the cars... that's your business, your job, your passion, your interest and a probably a great source of self-worth.

....Don't let her take that from you, its a two-way street. Respect, understanding and appreciation in exchange for respect, understanding and appreciation.
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  #5  
Old 03-09-2011, 01:35 AM
TylerH860's Avatar
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I really think I should be more upset; I'm certainly saddened and depressed, but also think this was an eventuality. The shock and confusion has certainly worn off. After a very nice weekend together I thought things were going well. Like I said, I had my growing doubts and was feeling increasingly trapped here and she was not receptive to moving away. I'm told when its the right person you just know. I had been questioning that as of recent. I'm much more independent and even tempered, and she's prone to emotional outburst that I was not good at dealing with. There was certainly chemistry, but we didn't share anything in common.

Its been highs and lows today. Sometimes I'm thinking this...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p6PkwyQ4JDA

...and most of the time pretty bummed.
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1985 500SL Euro w/ AMG bits 130k
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1980 240D Stick China 188k
2001 CLK55 AMG 101k
2007 S600 Biturbo 149k Overheated Project, IT'S ALIVE!!!
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  #6  
Old 03-09-2011, 01:39 AM
Skid Row Joe's Avatar
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I've personally found it both ways.

Needy, insecure women want to control you, and confident, together women that want to control you. Neither type has ever controlled me. Not in this lifetime anyway. Neither type has heard/understood that the relationship takes a vote from both parties. I'm not saying I know better than all women, I just know what does not work for me - and what does work. A person that will not compromise, or communicate is not worth keeping, I have found.

No disrespect meant for anyone, but I am repulsed, (not really amazed) at the numbers of men that let their woman control the relationship, purse strings and all, as if it's their "Mommy." Not a slam, it just doesn't make sense to marry someone, then expect to rely on them to tell you what your job in life is. And keep secrets from them, or vice versa.

Doesn't work that way.
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  #7  
Old 03-09-2011, 01:41 AM
Aquaticedge's Avatar
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I'm Sorry Tyler, There's nothing that I can say... but I am sorry,
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  #8  
Old 03-09-2011, 05:47 AM
t walgamuth's Avatar
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skid Row Joe View Post
I've personally found it both ways.

Needy, insecure women want to control you, and confident, together women that want to control you. Neither type has ever controlled me. Not in this lifetime anyway. Neither type has heard/understood that the relationship takes a vote from both parties. I'm not saying I know better than all women, I just know what does not work for me - and what does work. A person that will not compromise, or communicate is not worth keeping, I have found.

No disrespect meant for anyone, but I am repulsed, (not really amazed) at the numbers of men that let their woman control the relationship, purse strings and all, as if it's their "Mommy." Not a slam, it just doesn't make sense to marry someone, then expect to rely on them to tell you what your job in life is. And keep secrets from them, or vice versa.

Doesn't work that way.

All relationships are different. Some men prefer the woman to make decisions and control the money. Some guys like skinny women, others plump. Redheads, brunettes, blonds whatever. When I see people together I used to think "what does he or she see in her or him?" and tended to pass judgements based on superficial things. Now I see people together and just see people and know that if they are together there is usually some reason that I know nothing about. Whatever works for them is fine by me.
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..I also have a 427 Cobra replica with an aluminum chassis.
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Old 03-09-2011, 05:48 AM
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Sorry to hear Tyler, My guess is that you would have been smart enough not to slam the door!! Give her a couple of weeks to let off steam. She may discover that the grass was much greener on your side of the hill than she realized.
2 years is a while & maybe she thought things were not progressing fast enough. Time will tell.
Make sure you take plenty of happy music with you. Avoid soul searching.
Have a good holiday !!
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  #10  
Old 03-09-2011, 05:49 AM
t walgamuth's Avatar
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Tyler, sorry for your loss! If she never gave you a chance to reform, probably better to end it anyway.

Amelia Island sounds fun!
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[SIGPIC] Diesel loving autocrossing grandpa Architect. 08 Dodge 3/4 ton with Cummins & six speed; I have had about 35 benzes. I have a 39 Studebaker Coupe Express pickup in which I have had installed a 617 turbo and a five speed manual.[SIGPIC]

..I also have a 427 Cobra replica with an aluminum chassis.
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  #11  
Old 03-09-2011, 07:28 AM
I miss my MBZ
 
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One thought (forgive if I'm too harsh) - If she really wanted to be in this relationship - she would have given you a chance to change/told you what was up before she left. As was said before - relationships are a 2-way street.

-John
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  #12  
Old 03-09-2011, 09:22 AM
waterboarding w/medmech
 
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Hang tough; if she took off that quickly, then there are most likely other issues. Seize this as an opportunity to change and do whatever you want.
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  #13  
Old 03-09-2011, 09:40 AM
Redefining normal daily
 
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This:
Quote:
Originally Posted by TylerH860 View Post
she's prone to emotional outburst that I was not good at dealing with.
And this:
Quote:
Originally Posted by TylerH860 View Post
we didn't share anything in common.
Say it all. Describes my (miserable) first marriage to a T, as a matter of fact.

Sounds from some of your comments like the recent weekend that "went well" was of note because it went well. Looking in from way, way, way the heck far off in left field, I'm not getting the sense that the two of you enjoyed the sort of connection that means "the right one" has landed in your lap.

Move on, make sure you're comfortable with you, and the right one WILL land in your lap when you least expect it.

And don't dis Wichita too intensely. I was born there!

(Left it when I was less than two, haven't seen it since I was twelve, but I was born there!)
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  #14  
Old 03-09-2011, 10:06 AM
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You should go to California and hang out with Charlie Sheen!
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Old 03-09-2011, 10:14 AM
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Sorry to hear that. Those kind of experiences are never easy even if one thinks that in the long run its best. I think it's good to think of new locations when you are young. Changes like that can make a huge difference down the road.
Whatever you do, watch out for lesbian waitresses on the road trip.

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Last edited by kerry; 03-09-2011 at 12:31 PM.
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