I was in my son's room, helping him clean out clothes and shoes that no longer fit. I started to look under his bed, to make sure we ahd all of the shoes, when he became protective of a box under his bed.

My first thought was that I found a box that had some adult related magazines in it.

I was dead wrong.





What I found was a rather extensive collection of horded food and drinks.

Let me give you a bit of background on the situation...In October, I gaind full custody of my kids from my ex-wife. I was paying $1300 a month in child support for the last 8.5 years. She was on welfare during that time, a number of times, and wasting my CS money on going out with her friends and playing bingo and such. She was on food stamps, and would take her sister out shopping on it, then collect the cash from her at a 75% rate, so the ex would have more cash on hand.

There were so many times that the kids would call me and tell me that they had no food, that I had standing order at the local pizza joint to deliver the same order to my kids anytime I called. I would send the kids money so that they could have needed school items. I would also have the local mom and pop grocery store pick out a cart full of groceries once a month to be delivered to their house, just so the kids had fresh food to eat. Apparently, it wasn't enough

Their mother wouldn't buy food for the house, and they were constantly complaining that the food they had was outdated and turned bad. It was so bad at the end, that my oldest would wake up in the morning, and take her sister and brother over to my mother's house before school started so that they could eat a good breakfast, then come back after school for an early dinner before heading back to their mom's house.



It seems that my son had been hording food in his bedroom as a conditioned action. He and his sister both had been doing this.

I asked my daughter if she had food in her room as well, and she started to cry, then pulled her stash out from her closet...cans of soda, snack cakes, beef jerky, a few canned goods, single serving mac and cheese cups, ramen noodles, etc., was found there as well as in her brother's room.

I called my oldest daughter, who is living with my mom in Ohio so she can complete her Senior year in HS, and asked her if she knew that they were doing it. She said that they all used to do it, and that she's had a hard time teaching herself that it wasn't needed anymore, that there would ALWAYS be food in the house.



The kids were hording food because they lived 8.5 years without knowing if they were going to have food in their house or not at any given moment.




I sat them down this afternoon, and explained to them that they don't need to do that anymore, that there always will be food in the house, and that as long as I'm alive, they'll never go without food. I had them return the foods to the pantry.

My question...Did I handle this correctly? How would you have handled this? What can I do to make sure this ends??

All three are already in counseling to undo the damage that was done while living with their mom.

I'm looking for advise on this...

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1987 560SL
85,000 miles

You should talk to a social worker to see if there are other typical behaviors associated with neglect that you should look out for. As far as how you handled the hoarding situation, do what you have to so they don't feel embarrassed by your discovery. If you make too big a deal of the hoarding, they might be more guarded about other behaviors.

Sixto
87 300D

I'd consider purchasing each one of them a really high quality food horde and tell them you'll replenish it at any time.

__________________
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Agreed. On the face of it, sounds like you handled it pretty well - didn't make a scene, called the oldest and found out some background as to why they were doing this, then sat them down and explained why they didn't need to do it any longer - and let them know you'll always be there for them.

That's the sad thing about any divorce - the kids end up getting caught in the middle.

If their mother truly acted as you protrayed, for 8 1/2 years, toward her own kids.......

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I think you handled it okay, but if they do it again I think I would ignore it or just point out that it isn't necessary for them to do that anymore. After a while they'll realize they don't need to hoard food. Or maybe they won't. My mom always kept about a year's worth of canned goods in the house and no one was any worse for it.

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One more thought: I don't think I'd involve a social worker unless you detect some more substantial problems. Taking the kids to a social worker might suggest to your kids that they somehow behaved problematically in the situation. In my opinion they were smart and did exactly the right thing given the circumstances. I'd tell them exactly that and praise them for their wisdom.

__________________
1977 300d 70k--sold 08
1985 300TD 185k+
1984 307d 126k--sold 8/03
1985 409d 65k--sold 06
1984 300SD 315k--daughter's car
1979 300SD 122k--sold 2/11
1999 Fuso FG Expedition Camper
1993 GMC Sierra 6.5 TD 4x4
1982 Bluebird Wanderlodge CAT 3208--Sold 2/13

She did. In the end, the level of abuse escalated to include physical abuse of my oldest two.

If I were to explain all the things she did over the years to the kids, I'd be typing for days before all of it was known.

My file of information against her for court was well over 8" thick, and included information from Children's Services, the schools, even her own family members, all explaining different episodes.

My oldest one lives 4 blocks from her mother, and she hasn't talked to her since October.

__________________
1987 560SL
85,000 miles

We're sitting on about a year and a half's supply of canned and dry goods. I was raised on a farm, and we raised our own food. Some years were better than others, so we always had extra put up for the lean years. That mentality has kinda stuck with me since I was a kid. Anytime we have items nearing the use by date, it gets donated to the local food bank so it gets used.

__________________
1987 560SL
85,000 miles

I grew up this way too, but it has nothing to do with your kids' hoarding food because they don't trust the adults who should be looking after them. Their survival instincts were good and can't be faulted, but have turned into a habit that gives them comfort and reassurance. You handled it right and shouldn't make a huge issue out of it. Keep your larder full in the kitchen/pantry, and don't look under their beds. Eventually they'll come to the realization on their own that they don't have to cache food and that they're in a good, trustworthy place now with a parent who loves and will provide for them.

__________________
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Agreed. I mean have a casual conversation with a social worker, not report the situation to a social worker.

Sixto
87 300D

That makes me genuinely sad. I had a stepmother that used to lock up the fridge. It's something a kid will never forget. If they are OK without their caches of food that's great. Otherwise let them keep a box in their room but in plain view. Hopefully it will be empty after a little while.

__________________
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Good point. Maybe you can show support by discussing with each what he/she should keep in the stash. Hopefully is morphs from meals to snacks.

Sixto
87 300D

I've know Mr. Linville for about 5 years now met him in person and talked to him several times on the phone. He loves his kids and wants to protect them. As a father of three grown children myself, I can see the "Father's" protection instincts in Mr. Linville. He has a long road ahead of him having to help his kids through the mental damage that was inflicted on them by there Mother.

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I think you handled it good,, I would have done the same. show them love and compassion. teach them well .

X2
You are clearly the steadying rock in their life JP.

Maybe you can ask them to not keep their stash in their room & give them each a section of the fridge & a part of a shelf in the pantry for their stash. They will need continual reassurance that their food is safe.
Over time you can let their stash grow into the complete pantry & fridge.
They clearly have had the for-thought to plan their food well, its a positive thing that if managed right can be turned into a good life skill.

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