And yet another chapter..... - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

ramonajim · #1 12-05-2012, 12:06 AM

.... in the family history is written.

Darling Wife's 95 year old grandmother passed this evening. Fine when checked at 6:15 PM, dead of "massive heart attack" by 7:00 PM.

The title matriarch isn't even remotely accurate.... though she was a massive influence on the utterly broken children she raised. Some good, some bad, some indifferent. Pretty much dysfunctional in the big picture view of things.

Means lots of unsettled stuff is gonna have to get dealt with. Like how is Aunt Nancy (late 50's, two late teen kids, two college degrees, has never once held a job, massive hoarding issues) going to get by now that grandmommy's SS checks are gone (she's been living off them in return for "caring" for grandmommy). And what is to be done with The Shore House. Etc. Etc. Etc.

And what are we gonna do with Kidlet and his lady friend, here for the past week, scheduled to fly out Saturday. Which is when the funeral is looking to take place.

So.... many questions, few answers tonight. So I shall leave you with a picture which captures yesterday's more entertaining events:

Darling Wife, Ed, Kidlet, Lady Friend O'kidlet, and Aladdin the Christmas Camel (at Mt. Vernon).

aklim · #2 12-05-2012, 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ramonajim

Fine when checked at 6:15 PM, dead of "massive heart attack" by 7:00 PM.

Considering how I see some people die, that is actually a good thing. I hope I am that lucky. Not suffering is a good thing.

t walgamuth · #3 12-05-2012, 06:04 AM

My condolences on your loss.

I have to agree with Aklim, if you have to go a massive heart attack is high on the list of good ways to go.

Looks like you had some good bonding there with family and friends yesterday.

Stoney · #4 12-05-2012, 07:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ramonajim

.... in the family history is written.

Darling Wife's 95 year old grandmother passed this evening. Fine when checked at 6:15 PM, dead of "massive heart attack" by 7:00 PM.

The title matriarch isn't even remotely accurate.... though she was a massive influence on the utterly broken children she raised. Some good, some bad, some indifferent. Pretty much dysfunctional in the big picture view of things.

Means lots of unsettled stuff is gonna have to get dealt with. Like how is Aunt Nancy (late 50's, two late teen kids, two college degrees, has never once held a job, massive hoarding issues) going to get by now that grandmommy's SS checks are gone (she's been living off them in return for "caring" for grandmommy). And what is to be done with The Shore House. Etc. Etc. Etc.

And what are we gonna do with Kidlet and his lady friend, here for the past week, scheduled to fly out Saturday. Which is when the funeral is looking to take place.

So.... many questions, few answers tonight. So I shall leave you with a picture which captures yesterday's more entertaining events:

Darling Wife, Ed, Kidlet, Lady Friend O'kidlet, and Aladdin the Christmas Camel (at Mt. Vernon).

My thoughts are with you and the family. Lost my Dad this year at age 96.

Just keep on doing as she would have wanted and life will go on...

Air&Road · #5 12-05-2012, 07:16 AM

Very saddened to hear of your loss. As metioned, not suffereing is a good thing. I've watched it drawn out over a LONG period, too many times.

My wife and I have been dealing with the loss of my Dad and the declining health of my Mom for several years now and it's not easy.

Somewhere you will find the strength though.

BobK · #6 12-05-2012, 07:29 AM

Sorry for your loss Jim. I'm sure your DW was an influence in seeing grandmama had been cared for in recent years. Good to see Ed getting out and around even if not on his own legs. Looks like at least part of the weekend was a good time.

The Clk Man · #7 12-05-2012, 09:31 AM

After the funeral, take some alone time for yourself and reflect on the many good times you had with your Grandmother,

Air&Road · #8 12-05-2012, 10:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Clk Man

After the funeral, take some alone time for yourself and reflect on the many good times you had with your Grandmother,

Very good advice!

ramonajim · #9 12-05-2012, 10:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Clk Man

After the funeral, take some alone time for yourself and reflect on the many good times you had with your Grandmother,

Well, that would be a short period of reflection

All tolled, I spent maybe 2 hours with Darling Wife's grandmother. By DW's accounting, she'd only seen her ~ 18 - 20 times over her lifetime. Her influence was felt (and is clearly still being felt last night/today) in the form of The Vortex.

The Vortex is what the daughters of Grandmommy (Ma, Aunt Lucy, and Aunt Nancy) and their respective offspring came to call the emotional and mental.... issues, shall we say..... that Grandmommy imposed upon all who came into her world.

Grandmommy spawned four intensely brilliant kids (aforementioned daughters plus one son). Two of 'em sufficiently broken (Ma and Aunt Nancy) that their worlds would NEVER be mistaken for "normal." Ma's two kids (Darling Wife and Twin Brother) are similarly brilliant, and thankfully not significantly broken. Aunt Nancy's two kids are clearly bright, but clearly way more broken than Ma's pair.

Aunt Nancy works - she teaches grad level courses at a prestigious university - is happily married, has a handful of very successful kids, etc. But she acknowledges that The Vortex has scarred her, and she consciously does battle with the emotional demons it created (and that she passed parts of it onto her kids).

Uncle Paul, we don't know much of anything about except that he blew everyone away in college. He hauled arse decades ago, and pretty much keeps to himself.

To round out Grandmommy's modus operandi: Darling Wife, her aunt, and her cousins came to a realization last night as plans started taking shape: nobody remembers Grandmommy EVER having a single friend. Ever.

ramonajim · #10 12-05-2012, 11:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ramonajim

To round out Grandmommy's modus operandi: Darling Wife, her aunt, and her cousins came to a realization last night as plans started taking shape: nobody remembers Grandmommy EVER having a single friend. Ever.

Lest I leave the impression that Grandmommy was entirely whack.....

She graduated from college - at a time when women simply didn't go to college and after her priest told her that it was against the teachings of the church for her to do so.
She took (and did well at) archery in college.
She spoke French, fluently.
She sang opera, at times professionally.
She used to sneak into the black jazz clubs in Baltimore to feed her passion for music.
She READ. Tons. Said the Peabody Library was her vision of heaven. Passed her intense passion for reading and learning on to every one of her offspring and their offspring.

SwampYankee · #11 12-05-2012, 11:21 AM

Our thoughts and condolences are with you, J & M! While it would appear that the relationship was far from perfect, it's never easy to lose a family member. And somehow I suspect a good deal of the arrangements will fall into your DW's lap.

jplinville · #12 12-05-2012, 12:09 PM

I am sorry for your loss. The only comfort I can offer is that she is no longer suffering.

strelnik · #13 12-05-2012, 01:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Air&Road

Very good advice!

Yes, this is what I did with my son after his mother's funeral.

cmbdiesel · #14 12-06-2012, 12:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ramonajim

Lest I leave the impression that Grandmommy was entirely whack.....

She graduated from college - at a time when women simply didn't go to college and after her priest told her that it was against the teachings of the church for her to do so.
She took (and did well at) archery in college.
She spoke French, fluently.
She sang opera, at times professionally.
She used to sneak into the black jazz clubs in Baltimore to feed her passion for music.
She READ. Tons. Said the Peabody Library was her vision of heaven. Passed her intense passion for reading and learning on to every one of her offspring and their offspring.

Sounds like there are some good things to be said after all.
Just be careful or you'll end up giving the eulogy....

Condolences to your DW (marvelous picture!)
Hope everything works out well, with a minimum of drama.