Congress is considering sweeping legislation that will provide new
benefits for many Americans. The Americans With No Abilities Act is
being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions
of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

"Roughly 50 percent of Americans do not possess the competence and
drive necessary to carve out a meaningful role for themselves in
society," said California Sen. Barbara Boxer. "We can no longer stand
by and allow People of Inability (POI) to be ridiculed and passed
over. With this legislation, employers will no longer be able to grant
special favors to a small group of workers, simply because they have
some idea of what they are doing."

In a Capitol Hill press conference, House Minority Leader Nancy
Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid pointed to the success of
the U.S. Postal Service, which has a long-standing policy of providing
opportunity without regard to performance. Approximately 74 percent of
postal employees lack any job skills, making this agency the single
largest U.S. employer of Persons With No Ability.

Private-sector industries with good records of non-discrimination
against the inept include retail sales (72 percent), the airline
industry (68 percent), and home-improvement warehouse stores (65
percent). At the state government level, the Department of Motor
Vehicles also has an excellent record of hiring Persons with No
Ability (63 percent).

Under the Americans With No Abilities Act, more than 25 million
mid-level positions will be created, with important-sounding titles
but little real responsibility, thus providing an illusory sense of
purpose and performance.

Mandatory non-performance-based raises and promotions will be given to
guarantee upward mobility for even the most unremarkable employees.
The legislation provides substantial tax breaks to corporations that
promote a significant number of Persons of Inability (POI) into
middle-management positions, and give a tax credit to small and
medium-sized businesses that agree to hire one clueless worker for
every two talented hires.

Finally, the Americans With No Abilities Act contains tough new
measures to make it more difficult to discriminate against the
non-abled, banning, for example, discriminatory interview questions
such as, "Do you have any skills or experience that relate to this
job?"

"As a non-abled person, I can 't be expected to keep up with people
who have something going for them," said Mary Lou Gertz, who lost her
position as a lug-nut twister at the GM plant in Flint, Mich., due to
her inability to remember righty tighty, lefty loosey. "This new law
should be real good for people like me. I finally have job security."
With the passage of this bill, Gertz and millions of other untalented
citizens will finally see a light at the end of the tunnel.

Said Sen. Dick Durbin: "As a senator with no abilities, I believe the
same privileges that elected officials enjoy ought to be extended to
every American with no abilities. It is our duty as lawmakers to
provide each and every American citizen, regardless of his or her
inadequacy, with some sort of space to take up in this great nation
and a good salary for doing so."

I thought jokes were supposed to be humorous?

__________________
Sent from an agnostic abacus

2014 C250 21,XXX my new DD ** 2013 GLK 350 18,000 Wife's new DD**

- With out god, life is everything.
- God is an ever receding pocket of scientific ignorance that's getting smaller and smaller as time moves on..." Neil DeGrasse Tyson
- You can pray for me, I'll think for you.
- When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

If it was not no Boxer saying it I would indeed be asking if it was a joke. Since she is such a joke herself, a cry bad one, then you have to consider the source and move on. What a fruit cake!

__________________
2001 SLK 320 six speed manual
2014 Porsche Cayenne six speed manual

Annoy a Liberal, Read the Constitution

this was almost as funny as the math joke

I know of at least one co-worker that would allow our company to get a tax credit.

__________________

__________________
2001 SLK 320 six speed manual
2014 Porsche Cayenne six speed manual

Annoy a Liberal, Read the Constitution

I am guessing a version of that "joke" has been around for a long time. It is too close to the truth to be funny and is a good picture of how we got where we are today as a society.

Too many people bring home a paycheck without contributing anything. They have family ties or a nice personality or whatever, but little substance.

Ask yourself this. Who else really knows what I do for a living?

If it wasn't for fakin' it, you wouldn't be makin' it.

You realize Boxer never said that right?

__________________
Sent from an agnostic abacus

2014 C250 21,XXX my new DD ** 2013 GLK 350 18,000 Wife's new DD**

- With out god, life is everything.
- God is an ever receding pocket of scientific ignorance that's getting smaller and smaller as time moves on..." Neil DeGrasse Tyson
- You can pray for me, I'll think for you.
- When you understand why you dismiss all the other possible gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.

Jokes that attribute ridiculous statements to persons who have differing political views from the jokster are only funny to those who are of the same affiliation as the "jokester".

This sort of humor has no place in a bipartisan arena.

__________________
[SIGPIC] Diesel loving autocrossing grandpa Architect. 08 Dodge 3/4 ton with Cummins & six speed; I have had about 35 benzes. I have a 39 Studebaker Coupe Express pickup in which I have had installed a 617 turbo and a five speed manual.[SIGPIC]

..I also have a 427 Cobra replica with an aluminum chassis.

un-bunch your undies!

What do these sentences mean? Are you boozing again? The above reads like some of the drunken posts thrown up here by one of our younger members.

That said, the OP is funny as all get out.

__________________
You're a daisy if you do.
__________________________________
84 Euro 240D 4spd. 220.5k sold
04 Honda Element AWD
1985 F150 XLT 4x4, 351W with 270k miles, hay hauler
1997 Suzuki Sidekick 4x4
1993 Toyota 4wd Pickup 226K and counting

I haven't laughed that hard in awhile. I read it to my wife as it were a real news story, and she nearly came unglued. ROFLMAO!!!

I decided to share it on Facebook. Thanks!!

__________________
1987 560SL
85,000 miles

Yes, there will be a lot of people who will send it out as a real news story.

That's because there are a lot of people out there that wish it were a real news story.

As a joke it starts to unravel after about ten lines. Then it starts to turn into work as the reader tries to process the information. After that no one is laughing because they are trying too hard to understand the story.

The best jokes are short and snappy. Shakespeare put it best... "Brevity is the soul of wit."

Remind me not to tell you the one about the guy from Nantucket...you'd analyze it to death!

__________________
1987 560SL
85,000 miles

So I guess all the onion stories which are widely read are crap and there is no profit or use in them, eh?