In the doghouse now :( - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

engatwork · #1 05-13-2002, 08:25 PM

This weekend past I handed the keys to the 240D to my sister for her 16 yr old daughter (my neice) to use during the summer to get back and forth to work (with the verbal stipulation that I get it back at the end of the summer). WOW - the wife got pissed. I don't see it as that big of a deal. I told my sister that she had to title it and carry insurance on it. Did I say the wife got pissed? I asked the wife what is the worst thing that could happen and she said that the sister will not give it back at the end of the summer, or worse yet, it will get wrecked. My feeling is SO WHAT? I probably don't have $2k in the car and my intentions are to have it for my oldest son to drive in about three years. If it gets wrecked/totaled I would just find another one. Durn the wife is pissed. My sister is the type that if she says she will return it in three months she will. I would rather see the car get driven then to just sit out in my yard "cooking" in the hot GA sunshine. In addition, the wife has been on my back to get rid of one of them so I thought I was meeting the wifes needs and helping out the only blood relatives I have other than my mother and father.
I feel pretty good when I help someone out. Any words of wisdom/advice??

GermanStar · #2 05-13-2002, 08:38 PM

I could certainly be wrong, but I suspect that your wife is upset because you did this without first discussing it with her. If my wife parted with one of our vehicles without running it past me, I would be none too thrilled myself. To me, it's just disrespectful. I'll never forget when an ex of mine bought a car (I worked -- she didn't) without telling me. Imagine my surprise when I came home from work and opened the garage door... I did say "ex", right? That was the end of it...

Ron
German Star

JCE · #3 05-13-2002, 08:43 PM

Don't try logic - that approach is doomed. Whenever you find yourself in the right when dealing with your wife, the safest bet is to apologise - for not having asked her opinion. She won't welcome hearing that you were following her wishes to clear out one of the cars. From the reaction, it sounds like she had other plans (which she hadn't discussed with you) for the 240 - selling it for vacation money, one of her relatives, etc.

When the car is returned in 3 months, if you want another battle you can have the title put in your wifes name. Tell her that as only she can dispose of it at that point, she will be sure to have the problem of what to do with it done to her satisfaction (but to discuss it with you first!).

engatwork · #4 05-13-2002, 08:45 PM

I never looked at the lack of "discussing" it with the wife as being "disrespectful". She has not put a cent toward the car anyway so I figured "what the hey" - I am pretty easy going that way.

The wife did elude to the potential "ex" factor during our discussion on the vehicle but she brings this up everytime we get into a disagreement. I could get by everyday with nothing but a bicycle and be fine

. I consider the car stuff a "hobby".

Durn John - you ain't no help

. What it all boils down to is that I really don't want to permanently get rid of the car

. A 240D with low milage (and I don't expect the neice to put alot of miles on it) is hard to come by these days.

Billybob · #5 05-13-2002, 09:22 PM

"No good deed goes unpunished!"

Ashman · #6 05-13-2002, 09:33 PM

Myt hinking is to get your sister to sign an agreement stating the terms of the vehicle use...

Good luck on working things out with the wife.

Alon

ymsin · #7 05-14-2002, 01:18 AM

I would go with John's sound advise. Say sorry first and try worming your explanation through - but always under the topic "Sorry".

We men have lots to learn on communication - from what we think its trivial to what we think may be more important.

I found this out when I went out one fine weekend and bought a hillside apartment without even including Swanee in the decision making. Needless to say she's "pissed off" too. I thought it was a small matter, but no, she thought it big.

She's still pissed off - but I think the next sorry might just get me by.

In your case, when your sister returns the car, it will all be over. Besides, I thought your train of thought was logical. At least you acted with reason .. and not impulse?

Best wishes anyway ...
hope all will end well.

mikemover · #8 05-14-2002, 03:18 AM

Hahaha...Jim, I think JCE hit the nail on the head...Logic does not apply here. We are talking about a woman, and to make matters worse, a MARRIED woman!

It boils down to this: If you have an idea, it doesn't matter whether it's a good idea or not...what matters is that it wasn't HER idea!

That's the way they think, you know...

Mike

engatwork · #9 05-14-2002, 06:07 AM

LOL - she seemed to become less pissed the more I said I was sorry for not including her in my decision making

. John - she absolutely did not welcome hearing that I was trying to meet her wish by "getting rid" of the car. She said that she wanted to SELL it. To me they are too hard to find in this part of the country, in this condition to even consider selling it.

I do plan on coming up with some type of formal agreement with my sister concerning the return of the vehicle at the end of the summer.

Ken300D · #10 05-14-2002, 07:49 AM

Did you ever get this car painted? If so I would love to see a picture of the 240D in a nice fresh green shade.

I guess money and property issues are the biggest source of disagreements between couples. I could go on to give you specific examples (

) but it basically comes down to discussion and agreement - or at least discussion. In your case I think there is little value lost in the agreement with your sister - perhaps even value gained as the car is being used rather than sitting.

Ken300D

jcd · #11 05-14-2002, 09:39 AM

John offered the correct advice. Consult first, and when you forget, appologize. There are some good rules of thumb with wives.

1. Always consult first, if you don't it makes them feel that their opinions or needs don't matter..........this can be fatal.

2. Appologize early and often, and if you can, do so sincerely.

3. Always remember, with wives, it is very easy to be right....and still be very wrong.

Good luck,

JCD

"Married 23 years, one day at a time"

G-Benz · #12 05-14-2002, 10:21 AM

I agree w/ GermanStar...not communicating the issue was probably more the reason for having your wife pissed off at you...regardless of what stake she had in the agreement. Women are wired differently, so things that we would gloss over might infuriate the significant other.

When my wife and I first got married, we agreed to first discuss anything that involved an asset over $50 changing hands...be it retail, family, or otherwise.

That figure has changed dramatically over the years, but the treaty still applies.

I breached it once when I showed up with a motorcycle for our (then 5-yr old) daughter...I felt the chill for weeks! She later relaxed when she saw the strict safety guidelines I had imposed regarding the use of the bike. Now she is pressuring our daughter to begin to learn other areas of riding...like motocross "stunts"...

...is this the same woman???

Anyway, in your case, women can see through hollow apologies, so make sure you are sincere in the belief that you were wrong in not consulting her first...period. Then accept the badgering you will probably receive afterwards, but NEVER NEVER defend your position, or again, your apology falls flat.

When you are married, you learn to eat a LOT or crow...that's why old married men don't talk much.

#13 05-14-2002, 10:29 AM

I remember Tim Allen on Home Improvment saying that part of being a man is saying your sorry whether you are of not women just need to here it.

When I wake up in the morning I give my wife the pre-emptive "I'm sorry". You should here all the flack I get when I say it's a chick thing.

The really funny thing is she is starting to agree with me

Engatwork don't you see the real problem here? You did something for her sister no matter how close they are the competition is always their and again it's a chick thing.

The Perfect Husband

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First floor, the door had a sign saying: "These men have jobs and love kids." The women read the sign and say "Well that's better than not having jobs, or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up". So up they go.

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Oh, mercy me. But just think! What must be awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they go.

The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please." >>

Cap'n Carageous · #14 05-14-2002, 10:53 AM

One word.... Hormone imbalance!! Get her to a doctor and get her back oscillating on an even plane!! Does your sister know this is smoldering? I hope not!! That could get entertaining! Dang, you've opened up a can of worms! This could be as bad as the time I didn't buy my wife a Valentine card because I thought it was a waste of money. That'll never happen again. And the time she thought another woman was eyeing me, I told her she "didn't have to worry cause that woman didn't look any better than her". Women; you just can't win!

-fad · #15 05-14-2002, 12:04 PM

...sounds like there more going on than just a simple car issue

prepare yourself for a long discussion and practice that, "ohhhh..." look in the bathroom mirror before the discussion

afterwards, overcompensate like crazy: dinner out on the town, flowers, and lots of TLC

-fad