BMW rant - who comes up with this
 

Got a 2012 BMW 335i in shop with what looks like a locked up engine at 140k miles. Seems the genius engineers at BMW designed this car where, if the engine is not running, you can't put it into neutral without getting underneath it. What a pia to deal with.

Wow!

Bimmers
 

I have some experience with Bimmers dating back to the late 1960's, they're O.K. cars but always seem to have odd design faults like this that crop up after the car is over five or more years old .

My old shop partner's squeeze had a 2002 that was long in the tooth, every year it needed a valve job and since I wasn't allowed to touch it I never knew why .

I remember a lot of Bimmer owners had similar complaints : the car was fun to drive but needed more repairs than did the average old VW Beetle and no one worked on Bimmers cheaply unlike Air Cooled VW's .

On the other hand, I've been fascinated by Beemers since the early 1960's, the difference being well designed and amazingly well built Motocycles that don't have issues .

I expected to read an anti Bimmer driver/owner rant here ;) .

("what's the diff between a Porcupine and the average Bimmer driver ?") .

Early N55 with VANOS failure by any chance?

I have stayed away from BMW's because of stories like this. Not that MB does not have their issues but it seems MB is more straight forward in some ways.

Bimmer Bummers
 

The really sad part is : none of the BMW stories are false or even exaggerated.....

If you *must* have a Bimmer, buy the newest one you can and flog it like a rented mule then sell/junk it when the bills come due .

N57 diesel (335d 535d X5) with timing chain at the back of the engine with a high failure rate because why the **** not. It's an engine out job.
http://www.unixnerd.demon.co.uk/images/n57s.jpg

Probably wanted their ASEs to get proficient at pulling engines.
I was talking to a Subaru tech the other day, says he pulls a boxer out in under an hour for the recalled valve springs. BTW that is just pulling the engine, then comes the top end or side end work, it being a boxer.

Incompetent Engineering
 

GAH ! .

Until you've worked on some really high end cars you cannot imagine how common a thing like this is .

Even the Japanese screw up ~ I was a Honda Moto Mechanic long ago and some engines had the alternator in between the engine and tranny just like this wretched BMW ~ of course the clutches were bullet proof and never, EVER failed but the bean counters who made sure the easy to change CB750 alternators never failed, dropped the ball on the CX engines so a five year old Moto needing a new alternator got scrapped instead .

Maybe BMW did this on purpose ? the rich folks who buy new Bimmers don't want them when they're 6 + years old and who cares about those cheap Buy Here Pay here lots full of old luxury cars, right ? .

335i, locked up engine. N55 with big end bearing failure right after an oil filter housing gasket job?

There is something killing these engines after any job on the oil system like sealing the sump or oil filter housing. - I suspect its the oil pump with its finicky volume control valve doing something strange or techs washing the housing with brake cleaner which somehow gets into the oil pressure sensor and destroys it.

btw - this ZF transmission is used in a number of other makes, and every single one requires that you screw in the allen headed screw to release the parking lever if engine cannot start. Its very very irritating.

Please check if the pump pickup was clogged with caramel debris or something. These failures are very strange - and the weird part is that BMW say that you have to "prime" the engine before actually firing it up whenever a job that involves opening up any oil channel is done to prevent this failure.

Priming is done by disabling the injector harness from the ECU as the N55 cyl 4,5 and 6 wiring for the injectors are not accessible when its dressed up.

Please do update what you find in it, Im really interested in finding it out.

The really funny part about Subaru is that you can pull out the engine very easily (about 2 hours at a home shop). But on the same car, redoing a single wheel bearing takes more than 2 hours.

Thanks Zulfiqar. I opened up the oil filter and looked at it today and did not see anything. I was able to grab an oil sample I'll try to get analyzed.

In most of these failures, the oil is clean. Its a very strange failure.

I have been brainstorming it with some freinds, ill share it with you

Hydrolocked? It's not uncommon for injectors on N55 (well any later model German car) to get stuck open and hydrolock. :(

With that said, I've heard far too many stories of vanos failure, rod bearing failure, and/or electrical problems on the N55. Good luck with the fix, though I suspect you'll be doing an engine swap.