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-   -   Oil Changes: How the different sexes do things... (http://www.peachparts.com/shopforum/showthread.php?t=81573)

moparmike 12-10-2003 06:36 AM

Oil Changes: How the different sexes do things...
 
DO NOT TAKE YOUR CAR TO A JIFFY LUBE-TYPE PLACE!!! YOU WILL REGRET IT. INSTEAD, DO THE OIL CHANGE FOR MEN INSTRUCTIONS, WITHOUT THE BEER AND LOOSING THE OIL PLUG.

Oil Change Instructions for Women

Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
Drink a cup of coffee.
15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
$20.00 for oil change
$1.00 for coffee
Total = $21.00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oil Change Instructions For Men
[list=1][*]Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
[*]Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
[*]Open a beer and drink it.
[*]Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
[*]Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
[*]In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
[*]Place drain pan under engine.
[*]Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
[*]Give up and use crescent wrench.
[*]Unscrew drain plug.
[*]Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
[*]Clean up mess.
[*]Have another beer while watching oil drain.
[*]Look for oil filter wrench.
[*]Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
[*]Beer.
[*]Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
[*]Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
[*]Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
[*]Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
[*]Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
[*]Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
Remember drain plug from step 11.
[*]Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
[*]Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
[*]Drink beer.
[*]Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
[*]Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
[*]Drink beer.
[*]Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
[*]Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
[*]Begin cussing fit.
[*]Throw wrench.
[*]Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
[*]Beer.
[*]Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
[*]Beer.
[*]Beer.
[*]Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
[*]Beer.
[*]Lower car from jack stands.
[*]Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
[*]Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
[*]Beer.
[*]Test drive car.
Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
[*]Car gets impounded.
[*]Make bail: Get car from impound yard. [/list=1]Money spent:
$50.00 parts
$25.00 beer
$75.00 replacement set of jack stands:
(hey the colors have to match!!!!)
$1,000.00 Bail
$200.00 Impound and towing fee

speedy300Dturbo 12-10-2003 07:16 AM

http://www.peachparts.com/shopforum/showthread.php?threadid=61158

sbourg 12-10-2003 12:01 PM

My personal experience with Jiffy Lube is that every time I get a car back from them it needs repair - unhooked vacuum lines, crushed exhaust systems, etc. My shade-tree shenanigans would have to be more inefficient than this hyperbole to make up the extra wasted time and money of a real-life visit to JL, IMO.

Of course, I think my experience with JL reflects the general incompetence of the staff. That is better than my experience with a Winston Tire outlet where intentional destructive and fraudulent practices were the order of business.

Steve

pesuazo 12-10-2003 12:49 PM

The last time I went to one of those quick change places, they had a gorilla tighten the drain plug.
I stripped the darn plug trying to get it off. I have been using the topsider for the last few months.
Someday I will try to get it off and install one of those little drain valves.
http://www.fumotovalve.com/

Wes Bender 12-10-2003 02:34 PM

Hey Moparmike -

I know it was tongue in cheek, but you are doing a disservice to anyone who unknowingly takes your advice and goes to Jiffy Lube (or any other quickie oil change shop for that matter). These shops have been responsible for more damage and additional maintenance than probably any other single source.

Cheers,
Wes

moparmike 12-10-2003 07:12 PM

It wasnt advice. It was a joke. I will edit the post.

speedy300Dturbo 12-10-2003 07:22 PM

I've seen several investigations on the local news, in which the reporters went to a few chains to get oil changes. Prior to going, all fluids in the car were changed, as well as filters.

Most of the so-called technicians were spewing out all kinds of BS, on how such-and-such needs to be changed because it smells burnt, etc.

moparmike 12-10-2003 07:44 PM

Yeah, my dad had to have a completely new oil pan and plug on his sable because he kept taking it to jiffy-lube places. Every time I told him to do it himself or have me do it. He only seems to learn if the lesson hits his wallet.:mad:

Benzadmiral 02-07-2007 02:01 PM

Rebuttal
 
We've all seen this one on the 'net over the years. It's insulting to men (and if you doubt that, tell me why it's usually some woman who sends it to you?).

I got tired of this and wrote my rebuttal:

Oil Change Instructions for Women:

1) Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 miles since the last oil change.
2) Drink a cup of coffee
3) 15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
Oil Change: $20.00
Coffee: $1.00
Total: $21.00

But then . . .
4) Engine seizes because JL "technician" left drain plug out
5) Call tow truck; scream at JL manager
6) New engine, $2500
7) Rental car while dealer installs new engine, $500 ($50/day x 10 days)
7) Lawyer to threaten to sue JL, $85.00/hr. (I could be way low on this)
8) JL eventually settles, but lawyer takes big cut

End result:
New engine;
Lawyer and rental car manager are now your best friends;
You've lost 10 years off your life and gained 2,000 new gray hairs.


Point this out next time somebody sends you this misandric e-mail. . . .

E150GT 02-07-2007 04:41 PM

If women are like my girlfriend then they will wait until their poor little 4 cylinder is so low on oil that the car sounds like diesel. This happened one time and the car was 3 1/2 quarts low on oil.

LarryBible 02-08-2007 07:36 AM

The ONLY reason that my cars are all still on the road is that they have NEVER seen the inside of a Jiffy Lube or any other oil pan thread stripping outfit.

G-Benz 02-08-2007 10:07 AM

My vehicles visit the local "Quik Kar Lube" place simply because it's a couple of blocks away and the local vehicle inspector is there.

I only go for the annual smog inspections, not for oil changes...my indie handles those.

Mistress 02-08-2007 10:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by moparmike (Post 522479)
DO NOT TAKE YOUR CAR TO A JIFFY LUBE-TYPE PLACE!!! YOU WILL REGRET IT. INSTEAD, DO THE OIL CHANGE FOR MEN INSTRUCTIONS, WITHOUT THE BEER AND LOOSING THE OIL PLUG.

Oil Change Instructions for Women

Pull up to Jiffy Lube when the mileage reaches 3000 since the last oil change.
Drink a cup of coffee.
15 minutes later, write a check and leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

Money spent:
$20.00 for oil change
$1.00 for coffee
Total = $21.00

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oil Change Instructions For Men
  1. Go to auto parts store and write a check for $50.00 for oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree.
  2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.
  3. Open a beer and drink it.
  4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
  5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.
  6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
  7. Place drain pan under engine.
  8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
  9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
  10. Unscrew drain plug.
  11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: get hot oil on you in process.
  12. Clean up mess.
  13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
  14. Look for oil filter wrench.
  15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist off.
  16. Beer.
  17. Buddy shows up; finish case of beer with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.
  18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.
  19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.
    Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.
  20. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.
  21. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
  22. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.
    Remember drain plug from step 11.
  23. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
  24. Discover that the used oil is buried in a hole in the back yard, along with drain plug.
  25. Drink beer.
  26. Uncover hole and sift for drain plug.
  27. Discover that first quart of fresh oil is now on the floor.
  28. Drink beer.
  29. Slip with wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame.
  30. Bang head on floor boards in reaction to step 31.
  31. Begin cussing fit.
  32. Throw wrench.
  33. Cuss for additional 10 minutes because wrench hit Miss December (1992) in the left boob.
  34. Beer.
  35. Clean up hands and forehead and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
  36. Beer.
  37. Beer.
  38. Dump in five fresh quarts of oil.
  39. Beer.
  40. Lower car from jack stands.
  41. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands.
  42. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.
  43. Beer.
  44. Test drive car.
    Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
  45. Car gets impounded.
  46. Make bail: Get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
$50.00 parts
$25.00 beer
$75.00 replacement set of jack stands:
(hey the colors have to match!!!!)
$1,000.00 Bail
$200.00 Impound and towing fee

Excuse me, not to be gender specific here but I do belive the last person to post a Do Not Go To Jiffy Lube Cause I got Screwed was a man.


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