99 c280/c43 AMG sucking oil and farts smoke
 

My car is intermittently blowing a big cloud of blue-ish smoke from the exhaust. It will bog down a little and poof, instant smoke screen. Then it stops in a mile or two. Speed doesn't seem to matter. Was told it had something to do with "pcv" and "egr". I know it is sucking oil and dumping it into the air intake via a hose from the driver'side side valve cover. Check engine light is on but I haven't gotten the codes read yet.

I need someone to explain what/why is happening and hopefully how to fix it in idiots terms....I am not mechanical .

as a car gets older,these smog devices go fast.Egr is controlled by vac,some car use hard plastic lines that break,and leak vacuum.PVC system is usally the crankcase is under vacuum too.The lines rot,and some valve go bad.Your crankcase has to expell pressure from blow by gases,either into intake or the air.You could by pass and block vacuum lines,and let crank vent to air,until you buy lines,and anti blow back valve.

EGR will have nothing to do with oil consumption.

You likely have a PCV valve. They allow crankcase blowby gasses to get sucked into the intake manifold and burned. Over time they get brittle from heat or clogged with oil vapor and varnish and can jam open or closed. Either way is problematic since they can cause poor running conditions. Since you're sucking oil, I'd suspect yours is jammed open.

Any idea where the pcv valve is located?