HOLY MOLEY!
It's a new car! (*aside from the bad #3 cylinder*)
Got back from the alignment ($55 5 point w/ the MB approved laser). Tires were down to cord on the driver outer shoulder and passenger inner shoulder.
It wasn't bad for eyeballing the alignment while on stands, but it was by no means "drivable" Never got over 30mph on my way to the alignment. After that it was off to get tires: 205T14 pirellis *sweet* ride. Unbelievable difference in steering and handling, also: NO MORE NOISE going over bumps.
Now to save up cash to deal with #3.
-nB