Quote:
Originally Posted by engatwork
Ours ended after 22 years. Oldest boy 19 yrs old, youngest 15. My lawyer got $22k and her lawyer got $14k and it took about 1-1/2 years.
Extensive drug abuse issues involved with both boys (one of the reasons I got out - she stated she had rather see them do drugs at home instead of running up and down the road doing them and I do not feel this way - I don't want ANY illegal drug usage in my house). Anyway, over the past three weeks the youngest has gotten assigned to ISS (in school suspension) on two different occasions. First time for some stuff that was going on in the parking lot and the second time for being so high at school that he could not walk. Needless to say I just send the child support and don't have anything to do with any of them. I showed the court extensive proof of the drug use going on in the house after I had left and they allowed the minor child to stay with her because at 14 he can choose who he wants to live with. A guardian ad litem recommended to the court on two different occasions that I get custody of the minor child but the court went with the his choice to live with his mother. The court also gave the 14 year old the choice of whether he wants to spend time with me and he choses not too. I really don't see much future for him at this point because there are no repercussions for his drug usage. Even when she picked him up from school on the day he was high all she did was drop him off at the house where his older brother and his friends sit around and smoke pot all afternoon everyday. I put as much blame on the court as I do her for the current situation. She needs help as much as they do.
Years ago, when the oldest son was around 3 or 4 he came to me wanting to do something I did not want him to do. He would run to her crying and she would tell him "Daddy's being mean, you go do what you want to do" and that is how he was raised. Absolutely no discipline for any of their actions. Unfortunately, I should have gotten out a long time ago but did not because I felt I needed to stay there for the kids. It was the WRONG thing to do.
I am as happy now as I have been in a long time in addition to having more $$ than I ever had when I was in that mess.
|
Although you are right on the surface, the only people that are losing here are your boys.
You are right that their mother is being a bad mother by letting them do drugs in the house. But if their father gives up on them then they most likely are going to fail miserably in society. You can't give up on him even if it seems pointless. You have to show him that you care about him. It may seem like you are banging your head against a wall right now but it will payoff down the road when he grows up and sees that he actually has a father that cared for him rather than gave up on him.
He will eventually get older and see that his mother took the easy way out and let him do whatever he wanted and that was not what he needed and that you were trying to do what was best for him by showing some discipline. But if you give up on him he may not get to that point.