The schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.

"Is the word spell p-u-t or p-u-t-t?'' she asked the instructor.

"P-u-t-t is correct,'' he replied.

"Put means to place a thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to do the same thing."

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"If women are so bloody perfect at multitasking how come they can't have a headache and sex at the same time?"
Billy Connolly