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A suicide bomber runs into a pet shop and yells, 'you've all got 30 seconds to get out!'
The tortoise at the back of the shop shouts, 'you c#*t!'
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Why are women like clouds?
Eventually they f#*k off and its a really nice day.
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Whats the difference between light and hard?
You can sleep with a light on.
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A man walks into a petrol station and says, 'can I please have a Kit Kat Chunky?'
The lady behind the till gets him a KitKat Chunky and brings it back to him.
'No,' says the man, 'I wanted a normal KitKat, you fat b!+ch.'
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My wife, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me one of these mood rings so she could monitor my mood.
We discovered that, when I am in a good mood, it turns green and, when I am in a bad mood, it leaves a big f#*king big red mark on her forehead.
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I was at an ATM when an old lady came up and asked me to check her balance.
So I pushed her over.
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Zebu, a half blind five year old south African orphan, has to ride 7 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes.
Give just small donation of 2 dollars and we'll send you the video, it's f#*king hilarious.....
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I had a dog named Minton who had an unfortunate habit of eating shuttlecocks.
Bad Minton.
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Two men are in a pub. One says to his mate 'My mother-in-law is an angel'.
The reply from his friend......'You're so f#*king lucky...Mine's still alive...'
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A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says; 'F#*k off, you won't bring it back.'
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Two men in a pub and one is riding a Bucking Bronco Machine. He lasts over 10 minutes. Geeeeez mate, that was impressive!'
'I get lots of practice' Replied the other guy. 'My wife's an epileptic'
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Grumpy Old Diesel Owners Club group
I no longer question authority, I annoy authority. More effect, less effort....
1967 230-6 auto parts car. rust bucket.
1980 300D now parts car 800k miles
1984 300D 500k miles 
1987 250td 160k miles English import 
2001 jeep turbo diesel 130k miles 
1998 jeep tdi ~ followed me home. Needs a turbo.
1968 Ford F750 truck. 6-354 diesel conversion.
Other toys ~J.D.,Cat & GM ~ mainly earth moving
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