"Because they know all they sold ya was a guaranteed piece of shi*. That’s all it is, isn’t it? Hey, if you want me to take a dump in a box and mark it guaranteed, I will. I got spare time. But for now, for your customer’s sake, for your daughter’s sake, ya might wanna think about buying a quality product from me."

Reminds me of some of the replacement parts available these days.

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You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometime you just might find you get what you need.