Sssssshhhiiiittt man...don't let that out! Daayem, that's the holiest of holies you're so flippant about.

If you want money from gov:

Never use more than three colors;

Never use more than two charts or maps;

Never take more than 7 minutes;

Never reference work funded less than you propose;

Always use at least one colon or semicolon in the title;

Greek symbols are always good;

Always have at least one author from a major university;

Foreign sounding names, especially Chinese or Indian means there's hellish math--get one of those guys on as an author;

Always have the full-blown fifty-page referenced proposal at-hand if somebody asks for it;

Always have an extremely esoteric reprint to hand-out with you as primary author;

Your reprint for hand-out doesn't necessarily have to me related to your proposal;

Always imply a useful payout, even if your intent is theoretical.

Botnst