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G-Benz · #9 08-20-2004, 04:57 PM

Wife and I have been through 12 years so far.

Our problem now is that we live more like roomates than lovers...the hectic schedules of a dual-career family and an overachieving daughter leave us too exhausted at the end of each day to fit any intimacy into our relationship.

Fortunately we recognize this and are taking steps to correct this.

I've read that with new marriages, the relationship problems revolve around money issues..with older ones, lack of intimacy...makes sense.

One thing I notice is that in our early years, I would concede in practically all of the conflicts we've had. As I've aged, my patience runs thin, and I'm less inclined to allow myself to tolerate situations that I used to endure as a young man. So we "lock horns" more often because I've started "digging in" rather than surrendering.

Relationships fail when one or both partners feel as if they've poured their heart and soul into the marriage, and the other partner takes him/her for granted. That feeling along can grate on one's sense of well-being, and just about any disagreement can result in an all-out battle! This is also an area where infidelity plays a role...when an unfulfilled partner seeks affection and comfort from somewhere else.

Raising a child is a thankless task at times, especially since it takes decades for children to understand the sacrifices needed to properly raise one and return the gratitude so dearly yearned for. A problem child with serious issues (debilitating disease, drug addict, criminal issues) can also strain a relationship beyond repair.

But as you may have deduced, these are all issues that stem from a lack of communication. Nobody can read minds, and keeping unhealthy thoughts snuffed deep within just breeds contempt, and years later, the final straw leaves the other partner wondering "what did I do?!!"

I know this sounds like a cry for an end to traditional marriages...it's not. I have never known happiness more than being blessed with a family to support, a child to raise, and a partner and friend to love.

But using the analogy of getting a new MB: Your marriage starts off fresh, you love that new-car smell, problems are solved under warranty.

As the car ages and the warranty lapses, issues arise that can drain the wallet, cause frustration, and well, the paint and finish just isn't what you remembered when you first laid eyes on her in the showroom.

But a successful MB ownership requires constant attention to problems, routine maintenance, some restoration of components, and a basic love for the vehicle, despite its age. If you treat a marriage in the same manner, it will probably work out just as well.