29 years.

The worst were the 5-10 year. Economic turmoil, new kids. The zing of early years of marriage was fading. The usual things that stress folks got us stressed, too. We're both pretty patient and so we just sort of reached for new methods of accomodation with each other. I guess we basicly respected each other even when we were not being likeable.

The best years of our marriage have been the most recent 15 years. Watching hair gray, skin loosen, faces wrinkle, etc was a vision of horror in my younger years but now its something we share. Her wrinkles and gray I helped put there, like a "Portrain of Dorian Grey", hers on my canvas and mine on hers. Both of our stories told in each other's faces.

There is no magic formula. What works for one couple will fail miserably with another. You just have to work it out as best you can, on your own, and live with the consequences of your actions. Not everything that happens has a fault or blame to assign. Often its just better to shrug your shoulders, give a hug, and move on.

In defense of people who's marriages have failed, I can easily understand how that happens. I know plenty of good people of both sexes who have failed in marriage. It happens and its terrible. Or it should be terrible. If it isn't then you had no dreams invested in it.

But its a big waste of time to dwell on the failure. Some of it is your fault, some of it is the fault of your Ex. None of us outsiders really give a $hit about your scorecard. Do your mourning about the failure. Assimilate it. Learn from it. Move on.

B