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do you make any attempt to match revs on your downshifts? a little blip of the throttle to match that 1000rpm jump as you flick into the lower gear.
sounds like your shifting on the rounds to the grocery store which is linkage wear and as you have seen by talking to the mechanics the A/T wear issue is more complicated, your car shifts gears and if you do it manually why should that hurt more? also the car has a fluid coupling between engine and gearbox which could soften things.
Gearboxes are pretty good at doing there job, holding a gear manually for better acceleration can gain a few-tenths depending on set-up.
If a downshift is needed in addition to full braking to slow the car to avoid a shunt that's cool. or if a downshift is needed to get throttle response in a turn or out of a turn or while doing some trail braking that sounds reasonable to me.
A lot of automatic transmissions have either lever or pushbutton activation on their steering wheels for manual changing, Mercedes is one manufacturer that does so.
Your car lack the failsafe computers like the other manumatics so your brain needs to show mechanical sensitivity and reasonable A/T maintenance.
If you choose the proper times and method for manual shifting it can bring much enjoyment.
Also consider some books, Vic Elford High Performance Porsche Driving for instance to learn how and when to shift.
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