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Is all this a sign of declining quality at Bilstein, or am I over-reacting?
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Yes and no. The missing nut is not the end of the world, just a packaging error. Complaining to the company or the dealer should yeild a nut post -haste.
A bolt that breaks at less than the specified tightening torque is a big deal. Notifying the company should result in an immediate recall of all shock absorbers packaged with bolts from that purchased lot.
Document your results, take photographs of the broken bolt, your wrench, and the package in which the shock was received (with emphasis on any lot numbers or packing dates). Send all this, with a copy of your receipt to both the company and to the NTHSA. Send them simultaniously, so that you won't have to resist the temptation when Bilstein offers to keep you quiet.
Best of luck,