Talking to aging parents about financial responsibilities

[Kuan]

Every Christmas my wife's parents get older. He's 70, she's 64. (note this is not my problem, it's never my side of the family which has problems) One of the guys manages an insurance agency office. Sure, he may have a different motive, but given his unique position, he sees a lot of crap happen when older folks neglect to protect their assets at the end of their lives.

Anyway, they seem to think that their money and finances is nobody's business. We know they're not sitting on a huge nest egg so there's nothing in it for us. We want to make sure that if something catastrophic happens that they still retain possesion of their assets, but more important yet, we want to make sure that the family is not saddled with a financial burden should something happen.

Right now all we want to do is to start the conversation. Any ideas?

[kerry]

I'd like to know the answer to this question. My in-laws and parents
are in their mid 80's and I've tried to broach the topic a few times without success.
It's somewhat odd because if I were in their shoes, I'd call a family meeting and lay the cards on the table but it seems to be something that parents are reluctant to do.
It seems to be an important issue because if one of the two has to go into a long term care facility it can completely destroy the financial security of the other.

[Kuan]

Medicaid doesn't kick in until you've managed to whittle your assets down to $3500. You can start planning for Medicaid by disbursing your assets over a five year period, but you can't do it the week before you go into the nursing home.

Upside is that if you're a couple and both of you live in the primary residence, the state cannot make you sell your house. You still keep that, but still... other issues like living wills and Medicare supplemental. Jeezuz it gets more and more complicated as you get older.

Hopefully we can get a discussion going. The other part is to get all five families to chip in on the policy.

[azimuth]

this sounds like a human nature question.

if i were you i would first ask,"Mr and Mrs. Kuan's Inlaws, in light of your ins. business expirience regarding catastrophic asset losing circumstances, do you find it to be important to have yours protected?"

next, assuming he says , "yes", say, "in the interest of prudence and preparedness, i wonder, are yours protected?"

obviously you wouldn't say this word for word but, the priciple behind it is that adults of reasonably sound mind will not contradict thier own logicall conclusions, even if you led them in that direction.

you may have to establish whether they believe you have thier interests in mind generally, before you even ask any questions regarding finance. When they state or agree of thier own accord, they are ready for the first question which, if crafted carefully, will yield affirmative responses.

assuming, then, they are open to discussion, offer to help double check for weakness in the plan or whatever you have to so you can have access to the details; if that's how far you need to go.

if, in the end, they are still guarded, you are done. At this point, to pry would potetially yield reason to doubt whether your interests are conflicted and you'll never be able to approach the subject again without overcoming that stigma.

this, ofcourse is the opinion of an anonymous nobody

[mzsmbs]

Originally Posted by Kuan

Medicaid doesn't kick in until you've managed to whittle your assets down to $3500. You can start planning for Medicaid by disbursing your assets over a five year period, but you can't do it the week before you go into the nursing home.

there are ways and i'll talk to a friend of mine who went through this a few years ago. of course your state laws will apply so i am sure it's a bit different.

az, great advice... i'd say also to do some research on, say living trusts, and hand them the info.

I've tried different things with my folks but i have no real clue if any of it was even ever taken into consideration... $ is not a good topic in my family...

Go in the back door, tell them that YOU are checking out some strategies for YOURSELF and ask them if they have any idea's, then turn the conversation around. a gift subscription to AARP wouldn't hurt either.