DARWIN AWARDS


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The Darwin awards are given to people who have done their best to aid humanity in eliminating (their own) undesirable genes from the human gene pool.

1996 Winner-JATO

The Arizona Highway Patrol came upon a pile of smoldering metal imbedded in the side of a cliff rising above the apex of a curve. The wreckage resembled the site of an airplane crash, but it was a car. The type of the car was unidentifiable at the scene. The lab finally figured out what it was and what had happened.

It seems that a guy had gotten hold of a JATO bottle (Jet Assisted Take Off), actually a solid fuel rocket used to give heavy military transport plane an extra "push" for taking off from short airfields. He had driven his Chevy Impala into the desert and found a long, straight stretch of road. He attached the JATO unit to his car, jumped in, built up some speed and fired of the JATO! The facts as best could be determined are that: The operator of the 1967 Impala hit JATO ignition at a distance of approximately 3.0 miles from the crash site. This was determined from the scorched and melted asphalt at that location. The JATO would have reached maximum thrust within 5 seconds, causing the Chevy to reach speeds of 350 mph. JATO thrust would have continued for 20-25 seconds, insuring maintenance of that speed for that time. The driver, soon to be pilot, would have experienced G-forces usually reserved for dog-fighting F-14 jocks under full afterburners, causing him to become insignificant for the remainder of the event.

The automobile remained on the straight highway for about 2.5 miles (15-20 seconds) before the driver applied and completely melted the brakes, blowing tires and leaving thick rubber marks on the road surface, to no avail, then becoming airborne for an additional 1.4 miles before impacting the cliff face at a height of 125 feet, leaving a blackened crater 3 feet deep in the rock face. Few of the driver's remains were recovered. Small fragments of bone, teeth and hair were extracted from the crater and fingernail and bone shards were removed from a piece of debris believed to be a portion of the steering wheel.

Arrow

Doctors at Portland's University Hospital said Wednesday an Oregon man shot through the skull by a hunting arrow is lucky to be alive, and will be released soon from the hospital. Tony Roberts, 25, lost his right eye last weekend during an initiation into a men's rafting club, Mountain Men Anonymous, in Grants Pass, Ore. A friend tried to shoot a beer can off his head, but the arrow entered Roberts' right eye. Doctors said had the arrow gone 1 millimeter to the major blood vessel would have cut and Roberts would have died instantly. Neurosurgeon Dr. Johnny Delashaw at the University Hospital in Portland said the arrow went through 8 to 10 inches of brain, with the tip protruding at the rear of his skill, yet somehow managed to miss all major blood vessels. Delashaw also said had Robert tried to pull the arrow out on his own he surely would have killed himself. Roberts admitted afterwards he and his friends had been drinking that afternoon. Said Roberts "I feel so dumb about this." No charges have been filed but the Josephine Court District attorney's office said the initiation stunt is under investigation.

Hotdog

Robert Puelo, 32, was apparently being disorderly in a St. Louis market. When the clerk threatened to call police, Puelo grabbed a hot dog shoved it in his mouth, and walked out without paying for it. Police found him unconscious in front of the store: paramedics removed the six-inch wiener from his throat, where it had choked him to death.

Blasting Cap Explodes in Man's Mouth at Party

A man at a party popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth and tongue, state police said Wednesday. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during a party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium, hooked to a battery, and was trying to explode it," Payne said. "It wouldn't go off and this guy said, 'I'll show you how to set it off. "He put it in his mouth and bit down. It blew all his teeth off, his tongue and his lips," Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday, with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesman at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.

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