A NEW ELEMENT HAS BEEN DISCOVERED.

This hurricane mess and gasoline issues are proof that it exists.
A major research institution has recently announced the discovery of the
heaviest element yet known to science.

The new element has been named "Governmentium".

Governmentium (Gv) has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy
neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of
312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into
contact. A minute amount of Governmentium causes one action to take over
four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but
instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant
neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's
mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will
cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical
Morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium - an element which radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

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It is a truism that almost any sect, cult, or religion will legislate its creed into law if it acquires the political power to do so. Robert A. Heinlein


09 Jetta TDI
1985 300D