Marking the end of a chapter

[ramonajim]

If I may impose on you all for one last vent, one final rambling, I'd be most appreciative. As I'd posted earlier, Ma passed away Thursday, April 1.

Ma woke up with pain in her back Wednesday morning, ER visit revealed no new compression fractures, no blood clots, no other apparent causes for her discomfort. Morphine didn't cut it, so she got dilaudid and got comfy, then drifted off to sleep. She'd been out for a couple hours, while we waited in the ER for a room upstairs, when she vomited.

We got her rolled over when she started to wretch - but apparently not quickly enough. Learned later that evening, when she started having trouble breathing, that she'd aspirated quite a bit of her vomit - something that is damned difficult for a healthy person to recover from.

As the evening turned into late night, Ma's breathing got more labored, her blood pressure kept climbing, and she was seeming agitated (though still not awake). ICU folks were called in, and options discussed. None of them great. Bar the door Annie get yer guns approach would have been to send her off to ICU, where she'd be intubated and put on a resuscitator. This would require a "major IV hookup" which translated on a paper-thin veined Ma into tapping in via a central line - through the big ol' blood pipe in her neck. Chances of her bleeding out as a result of her thinner-than-water blood gushing out when they did the central line or the intubation: extremely high. Chances of her recovering from the fluid in her lungs: extremely low. Scratch the ICU option.

Secondary option was to try and make her comfortable. That meant hooking her up to a bi-pap machine (really tight air mask that is used to treat sleep apnea) so that she could breathe better. Downside was doing this required signing a DNR order (something Ed resisted vigorously - to him, signing that was equivalent to euthanasia). Ma's blood oxygen level started dropping, she started seeming more agitated. Lots of talking, phone calls to Twin Brother, hugs, tears, more talking, more phone calls, more tears, and everybody agreed.

Once the bi-pap was set up, Ma settled dramatically, and her blood oxygen levels climbed to near normal. We all sat with her, made bad, bad, bad, we're all going straight to hell bad jokes, held her hands, cried, laughed, and told more bad jokes. For hours, Darling Wife held Ma's head on her shoulder since Ma kept tipping over and pushing her bi-pap mask loose.

Around 4 am Thursday morning, Ma's blood oxygen levels started dropping, as did her blood pressure. Pulse started down shortly thereafter. By 4:30 Ma drifted off, asleep forever in Darling Wife's arms, with me and Ed by her side.





You'd think, with as much advance warning as we'd had, that we would have had all the 'final arrangements' arranged. Nope. Not a single one of 'em. Chickie (dear friend from CT who has been living with us to help with Ma) said it best later in the week: "This is like planning a wedding. In six days."

Data got gathered, decisions got made, funding (temporary or otherwise) figured out. Twin Brother would build the casket, I'd finish it. A cemetery chosen, a funeral home selected - though we tried really hard to avoid that one (which led to me calling the city, the county, and the state - on April Fools Day - to try and find out how I get a permit to transport my dead mother in law in my own car), people called and emailed. Tools (some very expensive and income generating for their owners) which I don't have were obtained on loan from near and total strangers.

Planning, night one:



Things got a little silly at (a lot of) times. The empty bottle of Frangelico in the foreground might have had something to do with that:



Employing the services of Padre Bear for the services was considered. Briefly.



The build, in progress:



The Box, ready for me to do my damage:




Me, taking an unintentional sitting up nap between coats of hand rubbed shellac in the pre-dawn hours Wednesday:




Just before sunrise, Thursday:




At graveside, early Thursday afternoon:



Last minute post-ceremony preparations as the thundering herd was arriving:



Had ~ 45 people from all the heck over the place, including Ma's mom, who everyone knows as Grandmommy (she's the 400+ pound 93 year old in the wheel chair above).

Darling Wife found the obit editor for the Baltimore Sun - who Ma worked with 25 years ago, and he agreed to do an article on her. He did an amazing job portraying the woman Ma was before so much of her broke - a tribute of great honor and great value to the family and all who knew Ma.



Rest in peace, Ma.

[E150GT]

Sorry to hear.

[BobK]

letting go of them is so hard. So cool that you sent her off in a casket hand made by you folks. No doubt she would be very pleased.
I used to paginate (electronic layout) the paid death notices (in classified section) at our paper for Monday morning edition. You see all those names and faces and realize that each one of them was somebody very important, at least to some people. Only thing I learned for all that is to hold tight to those who matter to you. None of us are promised tomorrow.
May your mother rest in peace and all of you who cared for her find comfort in the memories of your times together.
thank you for sharing.
BobK

[Skid Row Joe]

Your Ma has a wonderful family. Take care.

[SirNik84]

I hope that when the time comes for my mother to go, I can handle it as well as you have. the casket is beautiful, and just the kind of think my mom would love, I'm sure you mom would be very pleased with it and all the rest of the hard work you have done.

Condolences.

[Drezell]

I am so very sorry for your loss. She seems like she was a really wonderful woman! I love the pictures you put up of her. Very cheerful. She made bunny ears, and colored her hair! That is so awesome. You were lucky to have her in your life.

I am very impressed with the casket. It came out beautifully and I am sure she is proud. I am also glad you all managed to get everything together in such a short period of time.

Yet again, I am sorry to hear what happened. Be strong. I hope you can make it through this tough time, and soon just remember the good times. My regards to you and your family.

[kerry]

My sympathies. If your mother thought anything like me, she would have loved the thought of you building her casket and transporting her in your own car. I think it was a noble way to deal with your loss. Death has become a sanitized industry. You humanized it.

[daveuz]

Originally Posted by Skid Row Joe

Your Ma has a wonderful family. Take care.

I agree with SRJ on this. Your mom has a great family. Thanks for sharing the photos with us.

[Kuan]

Sweet story. Again, I'm terribly sorry for the loss of your mother. She sure had some great kids.

[Aquaticedge]

Sorry to hear of your mum passing, she looked like a fun and caring woman, my thoughts are with you

[strelnik]

I think this is an absolutely amazing testimonial to you and your family.

There is nothing else to say beyond that.