I am in a jam and need advise - PeachParts Mercedes-Benz Forum

elau · #1 07-04-2003, 01:21 PM

A good friend I have known for 15 years has been cheating on his wife and decided to leave the marriage. They have 2 children together and married for 17 years. They are such good friends to me that they flew in from California for my wedding 15 years ago.

We talked constantly and I tried to stay as neutral as a good friend would during their divorce. Then I was invited to visit them in NC. I told them I wanted to make sure they both agreed that my visit is out of complete friendship, and not to get in the middle of their problems. They both agreed. So I stayed couple nights with the husband in the hotel where he has been living for weeks. With the approval of the husband, I stayed at the house with his wife as house guest while he left for Raliegh to spend the weekend with his girlfriend.

Upon my arrival in town; the wife, under the advisement of her attorney; changed the lock to the house. I stayed with her for couple of days hanging out on the beach while I talked with her husband on the phone daily as well.

Then I got a call yesterday that the husband wants me to sign a statement stating that I witnessed his wife changing the lock to the house while I was a house guest. He told me if I don't sign the statement, he will subpoena me to court to testify. He wants to fight his wife's lawsuite against him for abandonment.

Now, I think to myself how in the world did I get dragged into this situation, and most importantly how to get out of it. I really love them both and now I beginning to have second thoughts about the friendship between me and him. The wife never said anything about the divorce the entire time because she did not want to get involved as agreed. He, on the other hand had been telling me his affairs.

Anyone out there has any idea/suggestion what I can do at this point? I just hate to drive all the way to NC for something this stupid. And most importantly, losing a good friend of 15 years. Then again, with friend like that, who needs enemy?

elau · #2 07-04-2003, 02:08 PM

On the contrary, I am friend to both. I know them both at the same time. His wife is from Sweden, and has no relatives in the country. She and my wife are very close. Her husband, however, is a little distant.

DuckMuck · #3 07-04-2003, 10:50 PM

...tell him NO...tell him before leaving on the visit, you told him and her explicitly that you were not gonna get involved in any of their problems...if he wants to subpoena you, then tell him to go ahead...you will testify as required by the subpoena, but the friendship is over...he broke his word, and now, he is tryin' to force you with the law...this is NOT a friend...

blackmercedes · #4 07-04-2003, 11:43 PM

Rock and a hard place my friend. You must take the tough path, and tell the truth. You should not volunteer any information in an attempt to remain neutral, but is you are forced to to be put under oath, you MUST tell the truth. If it means losing both parties as friends, that is the hardship of the situation.

Sorry to hear of such a place to be in...

jjrodger · #5 07-05-2003, 05:23 AM

I think you're right to give it time.

But if either side wants you to give evidence to a court, then I think you're under a public duty to attend. But make it clear that your evidence will not be one-sided; that you will tell the whole truth; and that you will contact your friend's wife to indicate that you will not be hosstile to her case and if there is anything she wants to ask you, you will assist in so far as you can (i.e. you'll give truthful, full and unbiased answers no matter who is asking). Your friend may not be so keen to call you as a witness if he knows you'll do this.

I don't envy your position. Divorce is so very sad, especially when it is one's good friends who decide to go down the road to ruin. Only the lawyers benefit (but thank God, I am one!!).

Botnst · #6 07-05-2003, 11:27 AM

The burden of this is on your male friend, so you are free to make whatever decision you will.

After the cooling-off period has elapsed if he hasn't changed his mind, then you are free of any obligation to him. He made you a promise and then broke it. That severs the obligation of loyalty to him. He holds your friendship in such low regard compared to his own comfort that he is willing to destroy your friendship for his own benefit.

Tell your female friend what her duplicitous, lying-ass husband has done. Make sure she knows she should tell her lawyer whats going on.

If you ignore a subpoena, the chance of issuance an arrest warrant for contempt are high. As a practical matter, I doubt that either state is going to pursue you with any vigor. Is your duty as a citizen greater than personal loyalties?

elau · #7 07-05-2003, 12:13 PM

What truely bothers me is the fact that he cheats on his wife. Then threatened to have someone killed her and tried to hit her with a suitecase. He did all those in front of her elderly father while he was visiting from Sweden. Thanks goodness at least there is someone witnessing that, instead of me. This, was told by his wife just recently.

The statement he wants me to sign is outright lies. He wanted me to tell the court that he was out of town on business. Whereas I knew 100% he went to Raleigh to stay with his girlfriend for the weekend. Another point is that they both already filed for divorce in court, and hence the wife's attorney suggested to have the lock changed. He was served the paper five days prior the lock was changed. He told me if I sign this statement, then he will have a good chance to counter his ex's abondonment suite becasue he was lock out of the house. The fact is he has not been living in the house for weeks prior to the incident.

I do not have the time nor desire to get in the middle. I think someone, maybe his attorney, been blowing smoke up his bud. I truely don't think my presence in court will have any effects on the judge's decisions.

I am just saddened by his reactions. Having the knowledge that I know about his affairs and asked me to lie about it truely make me question his character. If he asks me to do this, what else would he ask of me in the future. I am seriously considering to cut off all ties with him.

1967250s · #8 07-05-2003, 01:55 PM

This is not the type of (so called) friend you need.
He will f"#k you up if ever he needs to.........

Walk away and don't look back.

edit : AND NEVER LET HIM BACK IN YOUR LIFE

Dan

1967250s · #9 07-05-2003, 06:17 PM

From what I have read here, is action are just the tip of the "iceberg".
In order for a person to change, he/she must experience a very traumatic event wich this one is not.

If he want's you to lie for him, it is more than likely that it already happened to you!!!!!!

edit : for personal reason I have edited this responce!

Good luck

Dan

#10 07-05-2003, 11:24 PM

"I let a member of my family back in my life 3 time; I have allways regreted it.
I thought it was an isolated incident." to bad 4 yu but wors 4 that guy! his loss! relateives! yu cant pickem!!

-fad · #11 07-07-2003, 03:37 PM

if one endeavors to action a consistent straight and narrow approach to life and its decision's

naturally ....one must determine the straight and narrow solution(s) and then execute...

hope this helps
-fad

#12 07-07-2003, 04:48 PM

When I encounter losers like this I find the nearest exit. Experience tells me that you will only be in the line of fire at some point in time.

elau · #13 07-07-2003, 05:43 PM

Everybody has great points. And I will take into consideration of each. The biggest concern, of cousre, is that fact if I sign the statement then I am definitely involved. And if I don't, he threatened to supeona me.

With that said, he is extremely concerned that this soon to be ex-wife is going to file a law suite against his girlfriend. A law suite calls Alienation of Affection. In NC, which is one of the few states in the Union still has that law intact. And his girlfriend will stand to lose whatever the suite calls for. That is why he is trying everthing to minimize the impact of his divorce. Including having me signing false document.

I generally will go out of my way to help friends. However, this is a different situation that I am not ready to stick my neck out. Especially I am facing the the possibilty of perjury on my part.

drbrandini · #14 07-07-2003, 08:43 PM

Elau,

This is way off subject but where in NC are they located??? I am from the beach in NC which is why I ask......If you can't answer I understand. I'm from Wrightsville Beach.

#15 07-07-2003, 09:07 PM

Quote:

Originally posted by elau

I generally will go out of my way to help friends. However, this is a different situation that I am not ready to stick my neck out. Especially I am facing the the possibilty of perjury on my part.

Well now you only have a chance of losing a couple friends. If you commit perjury you will have the opportunity to make many new friends but you won't be able to pick em.

I will make this very simple. Stop talking to the guy; once you do he is going to fabricate a story that you had some sort of affair with his ex to be. Back off let things cool down obviously he's a loose cannon that cannot be trusted.

1. He is a cheat
2. He is violent

Anyone that would even joke about having a hit put on someone is not the kind of person you would like to associate with, maybe your next.