My favorites: numbers 1 and 18.


The Mensa Invitational once again asked members to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are year 2005 winners:

1. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund,
which lasts until you realize it was your money to
start with.

2. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a
hillbilly.

3. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid
people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The
bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.

4. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself
for the purpose of getting laid.

5. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house,
which renders the subject financially impotent for an
indefinite period.

6. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very
high.

7. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of
sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

8. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you
are running late.

9. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one
got extra credit.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is
sending off all these like really bad vibes, right?
And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting
through the day consuming only things that are good
for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to
seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance
performed just after you've accidentally walked
through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito,
that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning
and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after
finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

18. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an
*******.

__________________

Current:
2014 VW Tiguan SEL 4Motion 43,000 miles.

2016 Hyundai Santa Fe Sport (wife's).

Past:
2006 Jetta TDI 135,970 miles. Sold Nov. '13.
1995 E-320 Special Edition. 220,200 miles. Sold Sept. '07.
1987 190-E 16 valve. 153,000 miles. Sold Feb. '06.
1980 300-D 225,000 miles. Donated to the National Kidney Foundation.
1980 240-D manual, 297,500 miles. Totaled by inattentive driver.