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A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at
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Fred, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were
sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper.
After a long day of meetings, they were shocked to hear that
the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have
to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room.
Bill said to Jim and Scott, "Let's break the monotony of
this unpleasant task by concentrating on something
interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, Jim can sing
songs for the next 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad
stories for the rest of the way."
At the 26th floor, Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began
to sing. At the 51st floor, Jim stopped singing and Scott
began to tell sad stories.
"I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the
room key in the car!"
Received from Tom Ellsworth.
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I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for
my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on
the bouquet, a young man burst through the door,
breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.
"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last
bunch." The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May
I please have those roses?"
"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding
anniversary?"
"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my
wife's hard drive!"
Received from Jokes Central.
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Reasons I'd like to thank Wal-Mart, Kmart, Target, and my
local grocer for having twenty-five checkout lanes and only
three open at any given time:
Waiting in long lines keeps my domestic brain from going
completely idle -- there's so much to learn!
Did you know they now sell primed faux wood moldings for the
home? I hate to prime. I don't mind striking up
conversations with perfect strangers though. One lady told
me which DMV office had the shortest wait and officers who
actually smile. Another trapped customer gave me her
great-grandmother's secret pickling recipe.
I also learned to be grateful I don't live next door to the
snot-nosed whiny child hanging upside down from the shopping
cart in front of me; how many calories are in a Tic Tac;
items once marketed as "Only available through this
exclusive TV offer!" eventually make it to the store in a
box marked, "As seen on TV"; and that Oprah was abducted by
aliens who also share an affinity for jersey sheets and
private chefs. Which reminds me of other reasons I don't
mind waiting in long checkout lines:
I can catch up on my magazine reading without buying any.
I have time to leave my cart in line and run back to get the
thirteen things on my list I forgot.
I can be one of those annoying cell phone users and catch up
on all my phone calls to my insurance agent, mother-in-law,
and Auntie Babe.
I can catch a quick catnap now rather than on the drive
home.
I can assess what other people have in their carts and get
exciting new dinner ideas.
I can finally apply my top coat of nail polish with plenty
of drying time.
I can run next door and pick up my dry cleaning.
I can update my coupon organizer and leave the trash in the
we-never-open-enough-checkout-lanes store instead of my
purse.
I can clean out my purse and leave the trash in the
we-never-open-enough-checkout-lanes store instead of my car.
I can practice my standup comedy routines on unsuspecting
fellow customers.
I can practice some standing yoga poses and then do those
isometric muscle-contracting exercises no one else in line
is supposed to know you're doing.
I can taste test my package of the newest low-carb,
zero-transfat, Splenda-saturated cookies.
I can breathe heavily on my T-bones so they're defrosted in
time for dinner and I won't have to leave them out on the
driveway in the hot late afternoon sun as I normally do.
I can scribble notes for next week's column on the box of
sugar bomb cereal -- maybe something about the merits of
grocery delivery.
Copyright 2005 Karen Rinehart.
http://www.busstopmommies.com/
Received from Karen Rinehart of The Bus Stop Mommies.
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* For every complex problem there is an answer that is
clear, simple, and wrong. (H L Mencken)
* Every decision you make is a mistake. (Edward Dahlberg)
* Our business in life is not to succeed, but to continue to
fail in good spirits. (Robert Louis Stephenson)
* Only one thing is certain - that is, nothing is certain.
If this statement is true, it is also false. (Ancient
Paradox)
* Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if
you just sit there. (Will Rogers)
* There is nothing more requisite in business than dispatch.
(Joseph Addison)
* There is nothing more frightful than ignorance in action.
(Goethe)
* A moment's insight is sometimes worth a life's experience.
(Oliver Wendell Holmes)
* Thinking is the hardest work there is, which is probably
the reason why so few engage in it. (Henry Ford)
* If everyone is thinking alike, then somebody isn't
thinking. (George Patton)
* Those who agree with us may not be right, but we admire
their astuteness. (Cullen Hightower)
* Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory.
Tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat. (Sun
Tzu)
* Planning without action is futile; action without planning
is fatal. (Unknown)
* The general who wins the battle makes many calculations in
his temple before the battle is fought. The general who
loses makes but few calculations beforehand. (Sun Tzu)
* Confidence is what you feel before you comprehend the
situation. (Proverb)
* A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any
invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of
handguns and tequila. (Mitch Ratliffe)
Received from Trey Nolen.
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Brought to you by GCFL.net: The Good, Clean Funnies List
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Mail address: GCFL, Box 100, Harvest, AL 35749, USA
The latest GCFL funny can always be found on the web at
http://www.gcfl.net/latest.php