Michael,

Glad to hear about your priorities, sounds like they're right on target. Your daughter comes first.

First off, when removing or installing the cam and it's stands and rockers, remove or tighten the bolts evenly so as to not break the camshaft.

You should be able to remove enough of the deposits with nothing more than your fingernail. If your fingernail does not remove enough so that you don't catch a METAL ridge with your fingernail, then you have a ridge. Removing the "deposits" with a ridge reamer will also remove metal, making the ridge left meaningless for determining wear.

I still don't totally understand your questions/remarks regarding the specks on the head surface. But, given the type of failure you are analyzing, this very well may be a clue.

Good luck,