1. Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous systems has many thousands of electrical connections". The last said, "Actually, it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

2. There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of the multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.

He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" inchalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, "This is where your problem is". The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges. The engineer responded briefly:
One chalk mark: $1
Knowing where to put it $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired in peace

3. A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes." The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude". The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let's have a word with him".

(dramatic pause)

"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?" The groundskeeper replied, "Oh yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime". the group was silent forr a moment.

The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight".

The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my opthamologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them".

The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

4. What's the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

__________________
1991 560 SEC AMG, 199k <---- 300 hp 10:1 ECE euro HV ...

1995 E 420, 170k "The Red Plum" (sold)

2015 BMW 535i xdrive awd Stage 1 DINAN, 6k, <----364 hp

1967 Mercury Cougar, 49k

2013 Jaguar XF, 20k <----340 hp Supercharged, All Wheel Drive (sold)