Quote:
Originally Posted by Benzadmiral
If I can figure out a way to post it, I will. Here's a sample:
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"It had been some time since Mr. Carlino had stolen a car. The trick, he recalled, was to find a car new enough to be reliable, but old enough to be easy to open and hotwire, and cheap enough not to have an aftermarket alarm.
"Luck was with him. After only ten minutes of plodding in pre-dawn darkness along Como Avenue in the teeth of a sharp March wind off the Mississippi, Mr. Carlino found a good one. A mid-90s Oldsmobile 88, its maroon paint was faded and its left rear fender looked as though it had been chewed by a mythical metal-eating beast. A bumper sticker read, I MAY BE SLOW BUT I’M AHEAD OF YOU."
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Mr. Carlino deftly opens the unlocked driver's door with his slim-jim and climbs inside, settling into the leather-clad bucket seat. Remembering his extensive hotwiring training gleaned from years of watching "Cops" reruns, he smashes the plastic casing surrounding the turn signal switch assembly with a small hammer and uses a sturdy flat-bladed screwdriver to pry away the locking pawl that disengages the steering column lock. Quickly, he pries away the protective collar around the ignition lock cylinder. In less than twenty seconds, the lock cylinder falls to the floor. Carlino smugly inserts the tip of the screwdriver into the innards of the steering column and with a triumphant twist of the wrist...does not start the car. Nonplussed, he twists again. The bitter March wind cannot overcome the sound of nearby crickets solemnly chirping through the silence of the Oldsmobile. He contorts his body to afford a look into the cylinder and confirms that the screwdriver is well-placed. Another twist...nothing. Cursing under his breath at the utter unreliability of American automobiles, Carlino packs away his hotwire kit and, espying a nearby Subaru Justy that has an ignition lock system made of bubble gum and Reynolds Wrap, sprints out of the Oldsmobile, blissfully unaware that since the 1992 model year, the Oldsmobile 88 has been equipped with GM's VATS antitheft system, which relies on a resistor-equipped ignition key to electrically enable the ignition circuit.
As were the following GM vehicles:
1997-2002 Buick Century
1992-1999 Buick LeSabre
1991-1996 Buick Park Avenue
1994-2002 Buick Regal
1992-1999 Buick Riviera
1990-1992 Buick Reatta
1994-1996 Buick Roadmaster
1991-1999 Cadillac DeVille
1989-2002 Cadillac Eldorado
1989-1996 Cadillac Seville
1989-1993 Cadillac Allanté
1990-1996 Cadillac Concours
1993-1996 Cadillac Brougham Fleetwood
1989-2002 Chevrolet Camaro, Z28
1986-2002 Chevrolet Corvette
1995-1996 Chevrolet Impala, Caprice
1995-2001 Chevrolet Lumina
1995-1999 Chevrolet Monte Carlo
1995-2000 Oldsmobile Aurora
1994-1998 Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme
1992-1999 Oldsmobile Eighty-Eight
1999 Oldsmobile LSS
1991-1998 Oldsmobile Regency 98
1990-1993 Oldsmobile Toronado
1992-1999 Pontiac Bonneville
1989-2002 Pontiac Firebird
1994-1996 Pontiac Grand Prix